insurmountable | i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[ she's already found him, though. so many times in so many places, but each and every time, aether remains distant. always reminding her of what he needs to do, what she needs to do. not that childe knows of this, anyway.

lumine shifts and turns around his arms, burying herself against him instead, her face pressed into his chest. ]

I don't need the Fatui to find Aether, [ she says quietly, closing her eyes. she realises that this is probably revealing too much of what she knows about her brother's whereabouts, but knowing childe, he'll probably brush it off as her own self-assurance. ]

You just want to stay because you haven't fought everyone there yet.

[ seriously, of all the things to motivate him to stay with the fatui. ]

Hey, c'mon...

[Childe buries his face in her hair, the fresh scent of shampoo still in it from a shower, letting his hand run through the strands to further then trail down her side before resting on the small of her back. The night would end all too soon, and who knows when he'd get to see her again after that.]

I don't need to be Fatui to fight the other Harbingers if I so wished. It would be child's play to find them and face them myself.

[But he can't reveal much more to her otherwise. He wants to see the Tsaritsa's dreams fulfilled, his faith in her unshakable. It was a precarious line they walked, being lovers despite standing on opposite sides of a war that even the people of Teyvat didn't realize was happening. His hand leaves her back, index finger finding the bottom of her chin and pressing upward on it to get her to look at him, pulling his head back slightly.]

I do wish you'd let me help, but, I'll continue to respect your wishes- I only hope that you are reunited with Aether sooner rather than later. I know how much he means to you.

[ lumine wonders if his sentiment will stay the same once he learns who her brother truly is. will his hope for a happy reunion between the twins endure, or will it fizzle into something else when he realises how much she's kept from him (and everyone else who's called her a friend, to be fair)?

perhaps that's why she feels a little inclined to insist to stretch out this journey with him as much as she can. because lumine's more than aware of how tenuous this relationship is. ]

You realise my brother and I will leave once we're reunited, right? And then, you'll never see me again.

[ she smiles smugly at him, curious as to how he'll even react to that. ]

Never, eh? How are you so sure I won't just tag along?

[He cranes his head downward now, capturing her lips with his, deep and long to slowly turn her mind into mush so she doesn't try to prolong this kind of conversation. It's not a situation he wants to think about anyway, because the idea of losing the sight of her eyes in his life was enough to make him want to rip his heart right out of his chest.]

Why don't we just concentrate on having each other for tonight, instead of future days who's events are still undecided.

[His hand snakes down into her underwear, fingers teasing at the edge of her folds.]

One last time before you go.

[ lumine can't even put a word of protest in, whatever she wants to say melting on the tip of her tongue as he catches her lips. the kiss is slow and deep, imposing himself on whatever thoughts she has about her brother, their reunion, their inevitable departure from teyvat and replacing it with him and him alone. he's as needy as usual, clingy. demanding.

and as much as she hates to admit it and she never will out loud, she'll miss this in the coming days and weeks she'll be in fontaine until she sees him again—or at least, until she returns to liyue.

she's only given a brief respite when he momentarily pulls away, her eyes blinking in confusion, before her entire body arches and presses herself against his wandering fingers. she leans in as well, now the one to catch his lips for another kiss. ]

Ajax ... [ she breathes his name, eyes fluttering close, as she succumbs to his hands, his kisses, all of him.

lumine wakes up in cold sweat, sitting up almost immediately from the dream. it's bordering on real and fervent, lucid and vivid—so lucid and vivid, in fact, that she feels wetness between her legs, uncontrollable heat coiling in her core. she squeezes her eyes shut, pushing away the sensation of his hands on her body, his lips on her skin, before she runs to the bathroom.

footsteps thunder across her room, a strangled scream leaving her throat despite the ungodly hour of the night— ]

Why him, of all people!

[ hours later, lumine's sitting at the inn's dining area. she hasn't caught any sleep since then, going through, dismissing and then going through again the dream she's had all night. the tea she's asked for has gone cold, untouched in the span of time she's been brooding there.

she's still in disbelief over the entire thing last night, over the way her body reacted to such a vision. but despite her mind denying it again and again, she can't help but feel that longingness, that pang of need and desire towards the one she wants to chuck into the deepest part of the marshes.

she hates it so much. ]

[The Harbinger Childe always enjoyed how she arched against him, his real name a breath on her lips that never ceased to send shivers through him when she spoke it so. That last, short night they had together was filled with bliss, and he'd done everything he could to make sure he was always a thought on her mind while she was away, in another land fulfilling her own mission.

He too, closes his eyes, their movements so fluid together as if they were made to fit each other perfectly, and his mind focuses on her the rest of the night as she allows herself to melt beneath him...

Ajax's eyes snap open, breathing hard, the dream so vivid in his mind. It's never been like this before, and it's hard to deny the boner he has in his undergarments from the sensations he'd felt through it. More information, but more importantly to his brain right now, the sex that he and...no, Childe and Lumine had together. Guess he was right, she was in love with the guy after all. He wonders briefly, if his Lumine from this time, also had all the same curves and creases in...okay.

He swings himself up out of bed, to go to the bathroom, take care of business and wash up, before returning to bed. It's hard to sleep, even so, because there was so much more he'd just learned from their short conversation, and he'll play it over and over in his mind for as long as he can remember it. He writes a few of the main points down just in case, but it's still a few hours yet before sleep takes him again, with no such luck for another vivid dream.

Ajax finally makes his way downstairs to get some breakfast, not bothering so much with anything to only throw on a comfortable pair of jeans and the usual button up shirt. A red one today, that he leaves open at the top and one button at the bottom left undone, sleeves rolled up. He doesn't care to style his hair today, a messy mop just as his counterpart wears it, sitting down at a table lost in his own thoughts as he waits for a waiter to come back and take his order. He doesn't notice the aura of pure frustration coming from the table next to him, and when his peripheral catches the blonde woman sitting there, he jumps in his seat with a start.]

[Oh shit.

His stomach simultaneously drops while his mind fogs over with happiness, seeing here there, and Ajax is unable to process which action he should take. Say hi or ignore her, as he'd said they'd go their separate ways. Though, he has a feeling he's not going to be able to escape, because she's right there, sitting across from him, and he distinctly has the only ginger head of hair in the place. It's a little hard to miss.]

[ lumine remains unmoving for several more minutes, her expression shifting several times from confusion to incredulity to annoyance with every passing second, cupping her chin on a propped-up hand. honestly, there's no reason for her to replay the dream again and again in her head, especially the more sordid parts of it, but there were a few things about it that didn't make sense.

aether—why was aether mentioned there? why did they both imply that he's missing? and why did it feel like her twin brother was not at all missing, but simply elsewhere? did something happen to him?

the bedroom she was in, she's pretty sure it's in liyue harbour. the sight from the window was unmistakable, and so were the noises emanating from outside, only drowned out by the sounds that they were making. which makes her wonder if the answers to these questions are in the harbour. not that she knows what to look for anyway; is she supposed to ask the bedroom of one (1) harbinger named childe?

lumine closes her eyes and tries to calm the turmoil of feelings inside of her down, reaching out for her cup of tea—only to realise that it's gone cold. has she been so distracted all this time that she didn't even notice her tea?

she lifts a hand to flag the waitstaff coming her way, freezing almost immediately when she notices something in her peripheral view. ]

You— [ her eyes narrow at her—scratch that, this ajax, fighting the urge to chuck her teacup at his head. ] What are you doing here?

[There's a moment where his brain freezes up, unable to decide what to do. It's very uncharacteristic of him to do so, as these situations come and go in his line of work anyway, and it's not as if he usually can't think of something to say. But this is unique, this situation he's found himself in, where he's trying to keep himself together after the night before. It's almost as if his hair stands up for a split second when she practically sneers at him.]

Hey, I'm just getting some breakfast, same as you.

[He inclines his head towards her tea cup, unsure if she'd break it over his head.]

I didn't know you stayed here as well, I figured that staying here would be convenient considering the location and all...

[And somehow, he feels that every word he utters is digging his hole a little deeper.]

Did ahem...you sleep well last night, com-

[He almost speaks that word, catching himself before he finishes. Oh no...]

Edited 2022-05-13 16:04 (UTC)

[ ajax could've just shut his mouth after the getting some breakfast part. and she would've simply assumed that it was too late last night, traveling back to whichever hole he crawled out of is too inconvenient, etc. instead, he has to throw more fuel into the fire like someone with a masochistic, no self-preservation streak.

and really, really, the temptation to now chuck the teapot at his head is growing with every word he utters. but lumine has to rein herself in, remind herself that this isn't a very professional way of handling things and it's also not her teapot.

for a moment, she turns away from him to request a fresh pot of tea from the waitstaff. ]

Well enough, [ is her short reply, tapping her fingers on the table. that's a clear lie, however, her face lined with exhaustion from the lack of sleep. ] ... Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it this early.

[He also has his waiter show up, quickly ordering something small for himself so he could at least make it to lunch, smiling to the waiter before returning back to her.]

I...didn't have much to say.

[His eyes fall on her hand, tapping the table, back up to the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. He's guessing, but won't say it aloud, that she too had the same dream he did. And, given her current attitude towards him right now, he's also guessing that it upset her even more than she's letting on.]

You just look like you have a lot on your mind. Would you entertain talking about something mundane to take your mind off things in the meantime? Like...

[He thinks for a moment, not trying to put too much thought into it since he's expecting a no anyway, but...]

...perhaps the most nostalgic thing you came across on your little vacation here. Somewhere in Liyue Harbor, perhaps.

[ he just can't stop his mouth from running, can he? and while she does understand that he's simply trying to dissipate the growing tension in the area around their table, he honestly could've done better by just keeping his mouth shut and waiting for his food to arrive.

but no, he just has to mention liyue harbour.

lumine turns her attention back to him, her fingers stopping from their drumming of the table's surface. of all places to mention ... she almost blurts out and asks if he's picking a fight with her. instead, she presses her lips together. ]

... Did you know that last night, I had a dream about Liyue Harbour?

[ a pointed look is sent his way, forcing him to realise what exactly he's done wrong in this situation. ]

[Oh.

His eyes widen, realizing his mistake here.

Oh.]

I...

[His mind immediately returns to that dream, the apartment they were in, definitely liyuean...and the intimate moment that happened within it. He tries to fight down the light brush of pink on his cheeks in embarrassment, but it's there nonetheless.]

Ah...

[He's always been a bad liar. For someone in his position, it's surprising, but he's always managed to walk away from conversations like this with half-truths that no one ever picked up on. But now, confronted so directly, and by Lumine of all people, his brain can't come up with something witty right now.]

I may of been remiss in my choice of words. [He says, looking away, clearly not having meant to do that to her.] I didn't mean it like that. I'd just figured that you might of visited the city to visit some of your old stomping grounds from college, is all.

[ there, see? he finally turns away, embarrassed. lumine too turns away from him, if only to hide her own cheeks warming up as well. she could always make an excuse about her tea being warm enough to make her feel that way too.

truth be told, this isn't a conversation she wants to have with anyone, most especially him. she hasn't even composed herself properly, or gathered her wits enough to put up a decent defensive wall. so really, this is the worst time for her for anything. ]

... I haven't yet, [ she mutters quietly, pouring herself a cup of tea. ] I was planning on going there today and still is planning on going, but ...

[ bullshit happened last night, and she doesn't know if she wants to spend the entire way to the city thinking about it. it's a long ways off, after all. ]

[But?

He wonders if it was because being there would make her think about this shared dreamscape they had together, because if he's being honest, he surely would.]

I...was too, [he says slowly, wondering how much he should admit to her,] if only because I wanted to go back to Northland Bank, and see if I...ah. Sorry, I shouldn't say more.

[Ajax's face screws up in some strange form of embarrassment, confusion and determination. Answers might lie in Liyue Harbor, but he knows she doesn't want to have anything to do with it.]

I just have more questions now than answers, I suppose is what I'm trying to say. Especially now that it doesn't just involve us.

[If Signora had been alive, she would have stopped him from saying most of what he'd just uttered long before he even thought to, but now it's spilling out of his mouth freely. A small part of him hopes she'll change her mind, come with him, but she can be a hard read sometimes- whether or not she's interested in the event of the past is still something he's not sure about.]

[ does he really have to point that out? the dream would've been admittedly easy to ignore if it didn't involve aether. that mention of him is enough for her to feel invested in it, in a way. if only because the way they spoke about him, the way she spoke about him didn't sit right with her.

but she doesn't know if this is a path she wants to pursue with ajax. already, the images she's seeing are mixing in with her own reality, unknown feelings creeping and settling in. she's never felt this conflicted with someone before, has always managed to distance herself from most people.

until now, that is. and she has no one to blame but her counterpart and her weird relationship with that harbinger.

lumine frowns at his remark about the northland bank, however. wonders what point he's even trying to make with that, especially cutting himself off at the very end. ]

See if you what?

[Looks like he's not getting away with that slip, damn his and his mouth. His talkative nature has always been a sort of downfall, and unfortunately Lumine isn't the kind of person he should be lying to right now. Not about this, at least.

He sighs, and gives her a tired, apologetic look. He hadn't meant to let it out like that, and he's sure she's not going to like it.]

I was going to try to find that apartment. I know I won't find any physical evidence of anything, but perhaps I'd get another vision, something else that gives more leads. I may turn up with nothing. But, given what happened on the bridge, I figured I should try my luck.

[He really hadn't wanted to bring up the actual place where Childe and Lumine had a private moment alone, but he's also bothered that she called the Harbinger by his name- by Ajax.]

[ he shouldn't be surprised if she sends a look of disbelief his way in response to his outrageous plan. because who, in their right mind, would even attempt to find that apartment and see what they can get out of it? who knows if it'll even have any traces of someone living there? of the harbinger living there at all?

and it isn't as if the visions they're having only happened a few years ago, too. at least, it doesn't look like it, considering the current state of dihua marshes. ]

You know, I can't tell if you're an idiot or just someone who likes pain.

[ she cups her chin again with a hand, staring at the clear amber liquid in her teacup. she's going to regret this, isn't she? she's going to regret this so bad that she'll return to fontaine and just drown herself in her work. ]

Anyway, I need to head back to the city to find a few people. If you want to go there to, I don't know, break and enter into the private property of some Snezhnayan general, more power to you.

Huh. Seems you've already gotten to know me better than I gave you credit for.

[There's something in how she basically calls him a masochist and an idiot, dismissing his actions in a way that's strangely endearing. And perhaps for the first time that morning, he smiles. A bright, amused smile, that he flashes at her with no reservation.]

So...does this mean we'll be traveling together? You know, I don't mind alleviating the burden of expenses either, to make this endeavor a little easier.

[An endless amount of credit does wonders, really.]

[ unfortunately for him, lumine doesn't return the smile, simply finishing her tea with a few more sips. ]

Guys like you are simple enough to read, it's almost predictable.

[ she gestures at the waitstaff who gives her a slight nod. she'll be returning later in the evening anyway, since her room has been reserved for the entire week, so they can charge whatever needs to be charged on her credit.

no answer is given to his question, however. she'd rather not give him a reason to pester her further when they've agreed last night that she's no longer involving herself with him. ]

You're not the first guy who has the same mindset. Just a more ... try-hard style, I guess.

I've been told I'm quite unpredictable, actually. I guess you're just one of the few that can actually get a bead on me.

[And if that isn't attractive as hell to him, he doesn't know what is. He lets the insult go, as it doesn't really bother him anymore past when she'd insulted Childe's military garb, now that he knows her opinion. She can think that all she wants and compare the two of them as such, but he's comfortable with who he is.

He'll take her non answer as a yes for now, because he has a feeling that if it were a no, she'd have no issue telling him that.]

But really, if you need some time to get ready to go, take all the time you need. I can meet you down in the lobby once you're ready. Here.

[He takes a small business card out of his wallet, and a tiny pen he keeps in it, scribbling his cellphone number on it.]

Here's my number. I know you don't want it, but take it anyway.

[You never know when you might need it is the unsaid end of that sentence. But he's sure she'd think of a way to counter that.]

[ she stares at the card he holds out to her, wishing it would go up in flames the longer she looks at it. it sadly doesn't, even after a full minute, and lumine reluctantly accepts and tucks it in the pocket of her cardigan. chances are, she'll empty her pocke5 later on and throw it away somewhere, anyway. she never likes it when she sticks her hand in and feels weird knickknacks in her pocket.

but she does take his offer of waiting for her, walking back to the inn to change and grab her purse and phone. there's an unanswered text there from aether, asking how her holiday is going. ]

Let's get this over with. The sooner we get to the city, the sooner we can go about our business separately.

[ after all, she knows all the ins and outs of liyue harbour, had walked down its cobblestone pavement at ungodly hours after watching theatre and catching a drink with friends. losing him in the hubbub of the city is easy enough.

lumine slides into the passenger seat of his car, tugging her skirt down when it rides up a little higher. ]

You do know how to get there, right?

I've got a basic idea.

[He sets his phone up, hooking it into the car, the giant tablet-like display in the middle lighting up when he turns the car on. His playlist starts playing, which he immediately turns down, before shifting the car into drive and taking off towards Liyue Harbor.]

I was there before I came to Dihua, so I've had an opportunity to drive around a little bit. Parking is going to be the hard part...

[He pulls onto the freeway soon after, a straight shot to downtown, the landscape of a suburb slowly turning into a large metropolis. A giant stone archway that leads down to the waterfront still stands, reinforced by steel in some places, but is very much a landmark in its own right.]

They say this stone archway has been around for centuries. Hmmm, I wonder if our counterparts ever ventured under it? Seems like somewhere they'd go, doesn't it?

[He hums to himself, making sure not to say the quiet part out loud of course, even if he's more than blatantly suggested it.]

[ there's a reason why she never got a car in liyue even while she was studying there. it's a trading port, after all, which means vehicles coming and going almost every day of the week. public transit is much more convenient and less of a hassle to take.

lumine leans her cheek against a hand, listlessly watching the scenery they pass by. fields turn into rivers, rivers into fields, the geo archon's landscape remains unchanging despite the modern buildings and houses dotting the region. it's as intimidating as ever, even after a few years of moving to fontaine. ]

After what I've seen last night, they're probably the type to venture everywhere.

[ but no, really. it seems like her counterpart has a case of wanderlust like her twin, seeing that she too is heading to fontaine. where she's now living with aether. weird. ]

You can just drop me off outside the university. I'll be fine from there.

Alright. Just give me a call when you're done.

[He sets his GPS to the University of Liyue, exiting off onto a road that would eventually lead them to the campus. Though, he remembers now that he wanted to say something to her, maybe something that would ease the situation between the two of them.]

You know, I was thinking a little on how these visions are affecting us.

[He pauses for a moment, thinking on how to phrase this.]

I find it highly unlikely that the people who are being presented as our dopplegangers really do look exactly like us. Doesn't that strike you as odd? How could that even be possible, when they are practically carbon copies of ourselves?

[He lets that hang in the air, before continuing on.]

It may be that the only reason they appear as us is because we're the victims of it. I can't be sure, because it's quite eerie that our siblings have been named so far in these visions, as well as ourselves. Oh, and...

[He steals a quick glance at her, smirking.]

Blonde and green-eyed, huh?

[ huh. so he's really planning on picking her up, too? driving her back to wangshuu inn? and here she thought they're just going to stick together until they get to the city. a part of her debates on declining it and tell him she can go back on her own, familiar with liyue's geography like the back of her hand.

lumine says nothing for a while about his theory, simply listening to it and going through the details in her head. she's thought about it before, too; after all, she's found it unsettling how they're pretty much identical to each other. which is why she's initially assumed it to be his fault.

... it still might be his fault, might be his doing with all the sketchy things he's been up to. ]

I was trying to imagine a different face when looking at him. It's not exactly a pleasant one to stare at for too long.

[ a lie? who knows, especially with how nonchalant she says that. ]

So, are you saying that if this affliction was somehow affecting Aether instead, you two ... [ she wrinkles her nose. ] Ew, not an image I want to imagine.

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