i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[monoceroscaeli]

[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.

For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.

Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.

Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.

And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.

Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.

Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]

Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.

Comments

[traversal]

[ lumine questions herself again why she let this happen. why she'd called him instead of someone else, why the first person who came to her mind was him.

was it because of their agreement to not see each other? a quick and painless way to circumvent it? she presses a hand against half of her face, closing her eyes as they step inside the elevator and she swipes in her card on the terminal. only a week, and she feels she's turned pathetic all because of a guy. ]

I know.

[ his words never meant to hurt or upset her. they never have ever since she's first met him. that's simply how he is, something she's started to accept—and started to erase from her mind.

still, that doesn't make it less acceptable to her. none of it is. ]

My sentiment on the matter still stands, though.

[monoceroscaeli]

[The smile on his face remains, tugging at the corners of his mouth as he looks to her, but his eyes tell a different story. Sadness paints them, as they did not but a week ago when they'd said goodbye. The dark ocean that resides in them reflect a longing for a different outcome, something that could let them still be together and not have to worry so much about what may be a loss of self.]

I know.

[He steps into the elevator with her when it opens, leaning up against the back wall while he quickly takes his phone out to check it. No news yet, and he shoots off a few texts before returning it to his pocket.]

...Your brother texted me about that, you know. How you'd been overworking yourself, not eating much and not speaking to him since last week.

[Ajax's eyes wander back to her, a little worried. He didn't like to hear that it was causing her that much stress. Even he'd managed to eat and take care of himself a little, even if he was emotionally wrecked on the inside.]

[traversal]

[ ugh, aether.

if her brother was around, she'd shake him violently for betraying her. her own twin brother, revealing these things to unrelated people when it should only be kept between the both of them. sometimes, she wonders if he's really on her side.

lumine avoids looking at him through the chrome surface of the elevator doors, focusing her gaze instead on lcd panel showing the floor number. ]

That's pretty normal for me when I'm busy. [ it's not a lie. there are times when she and aether don't have time to talk to each other because there's just a lot of things to do. ] He's just overreacting after what happened last week.

[ which also makes sense as an excuse, seeing that it's aether's first time to hear about their being-chased-by-gods issue. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[Ajax notices how she's purposely not looking at him, leaning over to put himself in her peripheral, still looking concerned. He's not buying that excuse, since Aether had already ratted her out to him. This must be similar treatment to what he got too, Lumine trying to brush him off like nothing's wrong. As if it were normal, and yet he knows that that isn't the case.]

He also said that he hasn't seen you like this since you accidentally did something that almost cost the entire company. So, I'm not buying your story.

[Ajax won't take that for an answer, because he finds it hard to believe that she also didn't suffer one of the worst weeks of their lives. Underneath all of the callousness and the walls she constructs, he knows she cares for him- and that's enough that he won't let up.]

[traversal]

[ honestly, aether, why are you like this.

lumine keeps her lips pressed together once more, letting silence fill in the response to his remark, unwilling to address or entertain it. instead, she waits until the elevator arrives on her floor, ducking out and onto the hallway leading to her apartment while rummaging through her purse for the keys. ]

You don't have to buy it if you don't want to, [ she says, feeling breathless all of a sudden as she pushes her door open. ] I didn't say it to sell it to you. I'm just saying that that's how it normally is.

[ not that she makes costly mistakes, but that she's usually busy and has no time for anything else but work. work allows her to focus, to divert her attention elsewhere. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[Following closely behind, he laughs to himself. Nothing to say for a bit there, did she. He notes that Aether's assertion must have been correct, that she'd had a terrible week. As they enter her apartment, he looks around it a little as he takes his shoes off, noting the decor and how nice it looked.]

Well, no matter what you say, he said whatever we were doing isn't working. He wanted me to apologize to you, too.

[If it was his fault, which is partially was. He did agree with this whole plan, but he wonders if Aether is right. They can't really keep doing this, can they? Especially now with what's happened? He crosses over to her, reaching to take her hand.]

And, the more I consider it, I think he's right. So, I'm sorry for being an idiot. I should have never suggested that we be apart. That was a mistake.

[traversal]

[ lumine can feel exhaustion seep into her bones the moment she steps into her apartment, toeing off her shoes and dropping the keys into a crystal bowl near the door. but she doesn't even know if she'll be able to sleep tonight, her mind a complete and utter mess of thoughts and worries, about aether and his possible predicament. she doesn't even want to argue further with ajax, unwilling to get into a long conversation with him over their own circumstances.

she's said her piece, declared her intentions. that's it. she doesn't know what else she wants from her. but as usual, he knows what to say to chip at the walls she's created, break down all the defences she's erected. ]

Don't be stupid, [ lumine sighs as she stops in her tracks, his hand keeping her rooted to the spot. she could easily break free and pull her hand away. ] I was the one who suggested it first.

[ and he was the one who protested first. he was the one who tried to change her mind, but failed, his hand forced by her. he shouldn't be apologising to her. at least, not for that. ]

No need to say sorry.

[monoceroscaeli]

Haha, but I did anyway.

[Softly smiling back, Ajax steps in, coming to wrap his arms around her. A strong, yet gentle embrace, one he'd yearned for since they'd been separated. Not the one shared in Aether's apartment, when she'd been hoarse from yelling for her brother and scared to death in the aftermath of his kidnapping, but one that they could share. Just for themselves.

A memory bubbles to the surface, of a phrase he'd said a lifetime ago, but still lives and abides by to this day. It's a wonder how the parallels between his life and Childe's seem to mirror each other, even if they were different circumstances, in a different era. Ajax doesn't seem to mind this one, dipping his head down over hers.]

If you make a promise, you keep it. If you make a mistake, you apologize. And if you give someone a dream, you defend it until the end. I made a promise to you two that I'd keep you safe, right? So that you guys could have a dream of always having each other till the end. So I think that rethinking and reconsidering our options is important.

[traversal]

[ her breath catches in her throat when he pulls her into a hug, time seemingly stopping for the both of them. there's a part of her that wants to take a step back and remind him what's currently happening, that wishes to be upset and mad at him. but there's another part of her that simply wants to sink in against him and stay in his arms forever.

lumine doesn't say anything for a long while, her hands simply curling on his chest in a gesture that seems to push him away. but she doesn't, simply leaning her head against his shoulder as if finally giving up. ]

You broke that promise, though ...

[ that he'd keep them safe, that he'd ensure they'd be together. now, aether's gone, taken away by archons-knows-what, and they have no idea where he is. ]

What happened to keeping promises? Making sure Aether's safe?

[monoceroscaeli]

[He begins to rub her back, her words like lances through him, but he knows that he needs to take responsibility for this. It hurts, knowing that it was ripping her apart inside to not know if Aether was okay or not, that she might even still be blaming herself a little bit for what's happened. For moment, he wishes he could go back to before this had upended their lives, but then...he wouldn't of gotten to meet her either, and he can't imagine a life without her.]

I did. I'm sorry for that too.

[He takes a deep breath, shoulders wracked with stress as they rise and fall despite trying to relax his muscles.]

I'll fix it, [he begins, voice earnest and somber.] Can we figure this out together from now on? No more trying to go on our own. It's not...

[Ajax's eyes close, wandering back to their concerns, their deepest fears about this, and thinking that there must be a way to cut through it without having to put themselves through this.]

...it's not working. And we have to find something that works.

[traversal]

[ there are still so many things lumine wants to hurl his way, misplaced accusations because there's no one else to blame. it's easy to point fingers, to take the burden off of her shoulders, but what would that do? it won't bring back aether to her, and it won't make her feel less awful, less guilty. she's to blame in this; her brother had seen the signs, tried to help her but she refused.

besides, she can tell that ajax is just as much perturbed as she is, no doubt blaming himself just like her. but what hand does he have in this when all she's done is force him? ]

Mm.

[ she too closes her eyes as she leans against him, fingers slightly closing around the front of his shirt. she doesn't what will work for them, doesn't want to think what they'll have to do. because what's the alternate to this? ]

... But what if what happened last time happens again? I don't ...

[ the traveler continues to coax her, gently but surely, to cave in, pushing at the boundaries she's set. it's nothing forceful, nothing demanding. if anything, it lulls her sometimes to a sense of complacency. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[How she leans against him so is exactly what he wants, gently guiding her towards her couch so they can both sit down on it. He's wary of her steps, letting her sit and adjusting himself so his arms still wrap around her, gentle and steady as if he were handling a fragile crystal glass that he is protecting from breaking. Though to him, Lumine is anything but fragile- but someone who matters more to him than nearly anything else in his life.

Ajax can feel Childe brush against his mind, the haze creeping once again, but instead the mafia lord tries something else. Something he hasn't thought to do before, thinking he had to fight and ward the other man off. His eyes close again, and he concentrates:

Childe, you have to let me do this, okay?

It's as if the haze then backs down, clears from his vision, and all he can do is smile, a small laugh escaping from him that has no explanation to Lumine, a thank you said under his breath so softly that only she could hear it. He looks to her, and says:]

Why don't we just ask them not to? I just tried it and it seemed to go well.

[Ajax still doesn't feel as if they were here to ruin their lives, take control of them permanently. There's something off about it, something that doesn't line up with what he knows. What it is, he can't tell, but maybe that's another secret to their joining that they need to discover.]

[traversal]

[ is it really that simple, that easy? to ask them not to, to speak to them as if they're not intent on taking over. lumine hesitates on doing so, unwilling to concede or give quarter to her counterpart in case she slips up and lose control. it's the last thing she wants, needs in this situation.

she looks up from his embrace to meet his eyes, fingers lightly brushing back the bangs that fall over his face. she's seen the kind of eyes childe has, blue with a strange kind of depth to them that brings the fear of the ocean to a person. but there's none of that in ajax's eyes, bright blue despite the low light of the living room.

a moment later, she settles back into his arms with a frown. is this really, truly a good idea, she wonders. even if they are their counterparts ... ]

They're reasonable now, but wait until you give them an inch or two.

[ until they decide to take a mile. fear lingers and swirls inside of her, its hold on her still strong. it mixes in with the anxiety she currently feels without her brother, making it even more potent. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[Ajax blinks slowly back at her as his hair is brushed away, meeting the gaze of gold that locks with his own, dazzling him all over again with their light. It never ceases to amaze him how easily he gets lost in her eyes, and when she breaks them away he fights the urge to lift her face up to his own again. But he's forced to settle for her warmth against his, comforting him after the longest week of his life.]

Hahahaha...

[He laughs in response. Not that he didn't think of that, his other method now coming to the surface on how to deal with this problem. It's almost as if he can hear Childe laughing with him, that mischievousness coming through as if her statement was true, or as if that's what the Harbinger expected her to say- it's hard to tell.]

Then we'll just have to be stronger. These are our bodies, remember? Besides, working with them may prove far more fruitful anyhow. Lumine, let's try it. I still don't believe that they've joined with us just to replace us. It doesn't add up, when I think on it further. That doesn't seem like them. Will you try?

[traversal]

[ lumine shifts in his arms, silent in the wake of his request. it doesn't add up, he says. he doesn't believe their fears, he says. and yet, it's still there, pushing and pulling at the boundaries they've both set, uncomfortable and unsettled. what would not fighting back mean? what would allowing them space inside of them mean?

in any case, she pulls away a few moments later, her gaze lowered. she doesn't know if she wants to talk about this now in detail when her brother is out there in dire need of help. ]

... I'll think about it.

[ a.k.a. it'll take a lot of convincing for her to even consider it. after last time, after ajax's confession last week, she doesn't know if she's even willing at all to budge on this. ]

I should go change. The kitchen is there down the hall, and the bathroom is right there. [ she gestures at both areas of the apartment, only a few feet where they are. ] I'll see if I have something that fits you.

[monoceroscaeli]

[That's not as bad as he thought he was going to get in a response. Ajax is aware of how stubborn she is, and even if it takes more convincing, then he's more than willing to try. It feels like a better solution, a more beneficial one, until they can get to the bottom of what's truly happening to them.]

Alright. Thanks, I didn't think to grab any clothes from home before I left, so it's much appreciated if you're able to find anything.

[His hand briefly settles on the top of her thigh, squeezing it once, expression confident and unwavering despite the uncertainty he feels. But all he can do now for her is to keep an ear to the ground and wait for more reports to come in. In the meantime however, he lets go of her leg and pulls out his phone again quickly to check for any news, unsurprised when there is none.]

I hope you don't mind if I camp out here for a bit. I can have my sister bring some clothes tomorrow so I don't have to run your washer every day.

[He grins at her playfully, as if the idea of him bothering her with his dirty clothes might lead to getting a fun rise out of her, and he'd act innocent the entire time. Maybe he is looking too forward to living with her for this small amount of time...]

[traversal]

[ to be fair, the washer hasn't been used in a while so it probably wouldn't mind if it had a bit of a go in the next few days or weeks that they'll have to stay there. no, she reminds herself, it'll be just be a few days. just a few days ... because they'll find aether as quickly as they can.

lumine pads over to her bedroom, quickly changing into a camisole and a pair of shorts before rummaging through her drawers for something for ajax. a few minutes later, she's walking out of her room, tossing a shirt that's clearly too big for her at his head, heading over to the kitchen after. ]

That should fit you, I think, [ she calls out, peering inside her fridge. her housekeeper at least stocked a few things inside when she dropped by a few days ago.

she pulls out a bottle of water, setting it down on the kitchen counter. ]

My ex has around the same build as you. He's just a bit taller.

[monoceroscaeli]

[The shirt half hits his head and half lands in his hand as he catches it, the fabric soft and worn. Ajax frowns a little at the ex-boyfriend comment, but that ultimately doesn't bother him. It's not like she's with that guy anymore, anyway.]

Ah, another casualty of love I suppose- no unsuspecting shirt is safe from any girlfriend, haha.

[It will do just fine though, as he takes off his vest and collared shirt to slip into the more comfortable t-shirt she's given him. It's only a little longer on him than he'd normally wear, but to lounge around the house, it's perfect. He smooths it out on his chest a little, before finding somewhere out of the way to dump his own clothes for the time being.

He crosses over to the kitchen, to lean up against the kitchen counter where her water is, giving her a curious look.]

So is this the part of the night where you read until you fall asleep?

[He hasn't forgotten that conversation from so long ago, back in her office before their lives changed forever.]

[traversal]

I didn't steal it, you know. He left it here, and I just haven't returned it yet.

[ besides, it's very nice and soft, something she slept in at night when she's too lazy to find a pair of pajamas and just wants to lie in bed and go to sleep. she has those days sometimes, too; she's not always the type who works herself to the bone.

lumine glances at him before she reaches up to the cupboard to grab a glass, hoping that it's at least been washed. she can't believe he still remembers that one bit when it's been months ago, before everything went sideways in their lives.

a part of her wonders if she can go back to that. ]

No, give it thirty more minutes, and then that's that part of the night.

[monoceroscaeli]

Oh?

[He gives her a curious look, watching her take a glass out as he continues to lean against the counter. He's curious as to what her routine is, now that he finds himself staying in her apartment. But this is good, keeping her mind focused on normal things at home rather than worrying herself sick over her brother is his aim here.

There's not much they can do at this point but be on the defensive anyway.]

What are we doing? Watching TV? There's a few good shows streaming right now.

[He asks as if he were a little kid who's expecting to be invited and involved in whatever activity comes next.]

[traversal]

[ lumine doesn't reply right away, filling her glass with water and returning the bottle in the fridge afterward. perhaps she should text her housekeeper to drop off a few items from the grocery tomorrow, so they don't at least starve or resort to getting takeout for dinner. plus, she gives ajax a surreptitious glance ... at least cooking would distract him from being too bored. ]

I'm going back to my room to work.

[ admittedly, she needs to distract herself too so she doesn't dwell too much on aether's disappearance. it won't help him if she's too stressed to even think properly.

she starts walking out of the kitchen and back to her bedroom. ]

There are spare pillows and a blanket in the linen closet next to the bathroom.

[monoceroscaeli]

[Ajax glances over towards the bathroom as she walks to her bedroom, before wandering over to inspect where she was talking about. He finds the spare pillows and blanket, also checking out her bathroom before moving to other parts of the apartment. It's a little small for his tastes, but he can see how it suits her. She never came off as the kind of person who needs or wants for much, but rather the kind that only has the things she needs.

But giving himself the tour doesn't entertain him long, and he's already slipping quietly into her bedroom to go bother her. Spotting her on the bed, he crawls onto it, pretending not to see any kind of glare or irritated glance she may or may not throw his way as he sits next to her, putting his head close to hers to look at her laptop screen to see what she was doing.

Not that he has any idea of what any of it means, but the point isn't to understand her job- it's to get her to stop working.]

You know, this is hardly what anyone would consider relaxing.

[traversal]

[ ... see, maybe she should've pushed back more on this idea. sure, ajax had a point about sticking together, looking after each other and making sure they're both accounted for. but then, this is also what she was dreading, after having realised the kind of personality he has.

lumine sends him a withering glare when he crawls into her bed, clinging to her like a toddler who can't sleep alone. it's clear, however, that it's not working on him, eager to bother her to death unless she entertains him. still, she keeps at it for the next few minutes, reviewing a few documents sent to her email. ]

This is very relaxing to me.

[ everyone has their own way of resting, okay? ]

If you're bored, you can go watch a movie on the TV. I'm pretty sure I still have Aether's account logged onto it.

[monoceroscaeli]

Mmmmmm...

[He considers it for a hot second before discarding the idea. He has no desire to watch anything alone, not after being distanced from her for a week believing that he wasn't going to be able to see her ever again. Being with her had always felt right, felt like home to him, and he's happy that it's not the end.

So Ajax doesn't budge an inch, if anything he slouches a bit and slides down the bed a hair just so he can lay his head against her shoulder.]

I did consider doing that before, but I think I'd much rather stay in here with you. Besides, who else could possibly get you to finally put your work down and relax your mind a little?

[After all, Aether did tell him this is exactly what she's been doing all week. Burying herself in work, dealing with her stress by taking care of tasks for the company- he knows that a wire wound tight would eventually snap, and this doesn't seem like any exception to him.]

Did I ever tell you about the time that Aether and I were at a party and some chick pants'd him and then proceeded to push him in the pool? I didn't know someone could swim so well in that condition, haha.

[traversal]

[ okay, that gets her to pause, her fingers stopping in their typing and her gaze flickering down at him. it's not because of his head on her shoulder, ginger mixing with gold, as he makes himself comfortable next to her; it's his sudden, out-of-the-blue anecdote that she stops for, blinking twice in surprise and confusion. ]

In Snezhnaya?

[ where it's always freezing? lumine looks up to stare at the window across her bed, the lights outside flickering in between the curtains. ]

... Was it someone he dated and then dumped horribly?

[ she's honestly more surprised that her brother survived that ordeal, knowing his aversion to the cold. though is this really something he should be telling her? ]