insurmountable | i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

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i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.

For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.

Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.

Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.

And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.

Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.

Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]

Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.

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[ the kiss catches her off-guard, but lumine doesn't try to break free from his grasp or pull away, allowing the harbinger draw her closer even for a moment. her fingers curl gently around the tips of his hair, only letting go when he finally breaks the kiss. but even she knows that that's not always a good sign, that he's probably simply frustrated and it's one of the ways he shows it to her.

understandable, she thinks, after their conversation today. ]

Never my calling, [ she huffs, shaking her head in exasperation. even now, a thousand years after, he's still at it with the fatui and her. ] Besides, it wasn't as if you liked how they operated.

[ in any case, this isn't the reason why she took over lumine's body and woke up childe. and while she's certain they have enough time, her counterpart exhausted beyond reason, she doesn't want to waste any second of it. her fingers once more brush against the line of his jaw, her eyes leveled against his. ]

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry ... [ she whispers to him as she rests her forehead against his. ] And that you've always mattered to me, even if you think you didn't.

[The brush of her fingers against his jaw gets him to close his eyes, breathing out heavily as she rests against him. Childe accepts the apology, letting her words soak in, even though he knows this already. He knows he let his temper get the best of him earlier, and he knows that it probably ate her up inside to make the decision that she did.]

I know.

[He nuzzles his head against hers, breathing out heavily as he thinks back on it.]

I'm sorry for losing my temper earlier. I shouldn't of said what I said, back then.

[Childe lets his hand fall to her cheek, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone. His eyes open once more, pain still reminiscent in them, but an understanding accompanies it.]

[ it's not that easy, she thinks, alleviating the pain completely from his eyes. lumine supposes that it'll linger there for a while longer, as long as he's still reminded of what essentially was a betrayal, and she can't blame him for that. it'll be a miracle if he trusts her wholly after this. ]

No, [ she says quietly, lowering her gaze for a moment. ] You were hurt, so it's only natural for you to lash out ...

[ that was her fault, he doesn't need to apologise to her. if she could turn back time, she would, if only to correct that one mistake, if only to keep this pain from manifesting a thousand years after they've died. this isn't something he should be dealing with by now. ]

I'm sorry ...

Lumine. There's no need to apologize anymore. Just listen to what I have to say.

[Childe stares deeply into her eyes, expression serious, as if he's speaking to the both of them, had Lumine had been awake for this. It's something he has to say, so he pauses to think on how to put this as succinctly as possible.]

I won't lecture you because I know you already know this. But for whatever grief you put yourself through when you made that decision, it could have been avoided had you made an inquiry with me about it. But...

[He looks down, sighing.]

...it didn't matter in the end, because it never came to pass. But please know, that excluding the one you love only serves to inflict unneeded hurt to them and yourself in the end. I know it serves no purpose to be told that now, but it's something I feel strongly about. You know I would never want to see you suffer unnecessarily.

[ lumine says nothing in response for a long moment, simply leaning in and tucking herself under his chin, her arms slipping around childe.

he's not entirely wrong that she already knows it, that she isn't totally unaware of what her choices entailed in the end. and while it's true that it never came to pass and discussing it now feels pointless, even more so after reuniting once again, she feels like there's a need to put it to rest anyway. perhaps they'll revisit the conversation again someday, but she has a feeling that's something ajax and lumine will have to discuss themselves.

her voice muffled against his chest: ] You know you would have never agreed if I told you about it ...

[ not that that's a valid reason not to tell him. but she's familiar with childe's temper, with the way he operates, with his own bouts of stubbornness. he would've never accepted such a proposition from her, even if she insists it's for his own benefit. ]

But mm, you're right ...

[A long sigh comes out of his nose, pulling her in as she wraps her arms around him. He lets his chin rest on the top of her head, eyes closing as they hold each other in the dark, letting himself relax after all the tension that had been built up inside of him from the day.]

...And you're right. I would have never agreed to those terms. Even if you had left me behind, I simply would have found a way to follow you.

[Not that he has any idea currently on how he would go about doing that, but some of the gods lived through that ordeal. As far as he's concerned, they owed them one- the least they could do is help him find her, had that ended up happening.

Childe kisses the top of her head before resting against it once more, staring off into the darkness now, thinking.]

She was wrong, you know.

[His voice sounds distant, recalling the argument from earlier between himself and her modern counterpart.]

There wouldn't of been a day that went by that I wouldn't think of you.

[ how reckless.

and yet, lumine also very much sees it as childe-like: to defy her, to defy all odds just to get what he wants. so much so that the possibility of suffering, of dying doesn't even faze him. she supposes that it was her mistake to think that he'd allow her to keep him safe and secure on teyvat where he would be happier without her.

at his remark, she shifts, letting her fingers card into his hair, soothing any lingering feelings of dismay and hurt. his exchange earlier with her counterpart would've certainly cut deeper than what he would outwardly show. and a part of her regrets letting him leave like that. ]

I know, [ she whispers softly against him, pressing kisses to his skin. ] I'm sorry.

[ lumine is still young and lived a life that's much different from them. not to mention they're forcing her to deal with this, with a problem that they should've taken care of a thousand years ago. she understands why her counterpart would lash out and keep her defences up against them. ]

[Childe has always enjoyed how she runs her fingers through his hair, letting his mind give way to the calmness it's always provided him. For a man who always is thinking of the next challenge ahead of him, it provides a rare moment of peace, one that he's more than willing to indulge in after the last half a day. He knows that she never meant to hurt him, the last of his anger and despair draining out from him as if her hand was sweeping it out of him, leaving only the warmth of her love and care in its place.]

No more apologizing, now.

[Shifting backward, he gives himself enough room to kiss her again, pulling her in for something less heated and more loving. Long, languid brushes against her lips, gently coaxing her to let herself get lost in it, for what he thinks might be the last time for a while. And he too, lets his mind cloud with nothing but thoughts of her, taking himself away from any thoughts that would otherwise ruin this moment.

When he breaks, Childe gazes down at her softly, his smile reflective of the kiss they'd just shared.]

I love you, Lumine. Now, and in every life we'll live.

[ last time in a while may just be the understatement of the year, knowing lumine's temper. if she completely had her way, childe would never lay eyes on her ever again. but as it stands, she can sense some kind of empathy from the younger girl, buried beneath her dismay.

lumine's eyes flutter close as she gives into childe's unspoken request, letting their feelings speak for themselves. it's nothing heated or fervent, nothing desperate; they have nothing to chase after anymore. instead, the kisses they share are just affirmations of their love from a thousand years ago, unchanging and unwavering.

she nuzzles his cheek when he pulls away, a faint smile tugging at her lips at his words. ]

You'll have to love the girl who's been calling you an idiot behind your back. Ajax has his work cut out for him.

[ it's very impressive how he's managed to deal with the other lumine without losing his temper. she supposes that a thousand years has mellowed him down quite a bit. ]

Though I guess you're used to it by now?

I lost count long ago with how many times you've called me an idiot.

[It's not that their lives didn't go without arguments, more than used to Lumine yelling at him for something or the other. He was a wild, nearly unchecked force in the world, and she was sometimes there for the crazy things he did, when he wasn't away for work. Though, it never drove them apart, and Childe knew that this is just the nature of relationships anyway- you're never going to have it be sunshine and rainbows all the time.

Shifting again, he props his head up on his hand, considering something for a moment. She makes a good point, and where he doesn't hate her modern counterpart, he's not entirely happy with the idea of having to talk to her again. But he's going to have to, isn't he?]

Do you think I should talk to her? Perhaps later, once her temper has died down a bit. [His eyes shift to the side, to indicate his next words are not being spoken to Lumine, but to Ajax.] And what do you think? You're the one who's dealt with her the most.

You don't have to if you don't want to.

[ lumine doesn't need to read his mind to know that childe's very much averted to speaking with her present counterpart, especially after the altercation earlier today. she can't blame him and she doesn't want him to force himself either; it'll only start unnecessary conflict and hurt between them. ]

Anyway, she may deny it, but she cares deeply about Ajax.

[ she doesn't hesitate to say it, not when she knows it herself. she can sense it, even if lumine tries to push it further and further down, pretending those feelings are nonexistent. except she's pretty sure that ajax too knows better.

lumine leans in to kiss the corner of childe's mouth. ]

Let him speak to her about it. It's something they have to deal with together without our intervention.

[The Harbinger sits there and considers it, with Ajax inputting his opinion too- and Childe nods. He understands both their arguments here, and he trusts both of them, so it's only natural that he goes along with it.]

It seems that you and Ajax are of the same mind. He also recommended he speak with her. I suppose it's settled then.

[This works for him, especially since he can't imagine him speaking with her would go over well...but he's still glad for the advice, nonetheless. Childe grins widely back at Lumine, laughing quietly. He's not about to let that other comment slide, and neither is Ajax. Childe blinks once, and his eyes change, to the man who's a bit calmer and a little less wild than himself.]

Thanks for reaffirming what I suspected of her. I always thought that she cared far more than she was letting on. Hopefully I'll be able to work things out between them.

[Another blink, and Ajax is already gone, with Childe's chaotic eyes shining back at her. It's becoming almost seamless for them to switch now.]

Are you impressed? We work pretty well together now, I'd say.

[ lumine's not too surprised if she were to be asked, smiling as she watches the shift from childe to ajax and then back to childe. there's a fine line between their similarities, so much so that ajax had easily embraced it rather than reject it. she supposes it helped as well, ajax's quite unique upbringing.

but there's a part of her that also shares her counterpart's feelings on the matter, aware of how selfish that is on her end. she presses a hand against childe's cheek when he returns, thumb brushing along the curve. ]

Very, [ she whispers, pulling him closer and pressing her lips against his. ] But let me have a bit more time with you before you two become one, mm?

[ the imploration remains unspoken, but she hopes it comes across through her kiss. gentle and sweet, lingering as if she doesn't wish for it to end. ]

[He can feel his eyelids flutter down to half closed as she takes his cheek, letting her pull him in as her lips grace his briefly. Though, there's a certain melancholy to all of this that he can't deny. The second kiss seems to confirm this, and he kisses her back with a soft slowness that makes his heart ache.

It's all too clear to him that soon, they'll be one, and this will never come to pass ever again. He would be Ajax, and his memory would live on with his spirit. But Childe would be no more, and the same fate waits for her as well. It's bittersweet, to think of it that way. But at least they'd still have each other, even if the memory of a thousand years ago isn't the one living in the present.

That they even have this opportunity now is incredible all in itself. He won't waste it.

So he kisses her even more deeply, conveying that thought, that emotion- and how much he'll love and miss her in the days to come. Ajax can only sit back and let those same feelings wash over him, wishing it didn't have to be this way. But there isn't anything he can do than let them have this tender moment together, before they were finally wiped from this world.

He hates to think of it like that. He'd much rather see it as Childe simply living on through him, and Lumine doing the same. Childe doesn't seem to be afraid of this, but he wonders how Lumine feels about the process. Is she scared? Sad? Has she accepted this, perhaps despite that? He can only wonder, as the two of them indulge in each other.

He hopes he can talk Lumine into letting her ancient counterpart out more often, or even be more accepting of them, before they meld into their consciousness completely. Isn't it the least they can do for them?

Childe kisses her for as long as he can, savoring her warmth and presence, only breaking to rest. He doesn't want her to go. And yet, these aren't really their bodies to have. Just ones they reside in temporarily as a separate person.]

Haha, you know, you really are the best thing that ever happened to me, comrade. I hope you're excited to share another lifetime with me.

[He's got complete confidence in Ajax, and it shows. After all, he is him.]

[ time seems to stop for the both of them as they share kisses, holding each other, savouring each and every moment they're allowed to be together. and yet, lumine knows that this can't continue forever, and it won't be long before the night ends and they have to part ways again and rely on their counterparts. allow them to live their own lives while they watch on the side, pining and hoping.

and as terrifying as it may seem to most, to seemingly fade and lose each other, they still have this opportunity. to live another lifetime together, to have another chance at life. ]

Do I have a choice? [ she teases him with a quiet laugh, pressing her forehead against his, taking in every single line, curve, crease on his face as if committing it to memory.

if they had survived a thousand years ago after the war, would she have had another moment like this with him, she wonders? if they had both lived, if her plan with her brother had come to pass and they left teyvat ... ]

Thank you for finding and staying with Lumine, Ajax. I wouldn't have met Childe again if you didn't.

[Childe grins back; of course she doesn't have a choice, he knows Ajax will stay at Lumine's side for as long as possible, and hopefully that lasts until they're old and grey. And maybe, just maybe, they'll reincarnate again. Hopefully without the burden of making sure the world is free from the tyrannical reign of a defeated, godly regime.

To live a life of peace, that's what she wants, right? Even Ajax seems to be able to live that life, despite his responsibilities within the crime family. He's not sure how he does it. But, as it turns out, battle does end for him one day, and it seems it might come at the end of this endeavor.

There's a second where Childe chuckles as his eyes soften, but the voice that comes out next is that of Ajax's, the smile on his face indistinguishable from Childe's.]

Of course. Though, even if it seemed like a happenstance that I walked into their offices that day, I don't really think that's the case. She doesn't seem to agree with me on that, though, haha. But I truly am glad that the two of you could reunite.

[He wants to leave that on a happy note, disappearing to let Childe enjoy his time with her, the Harbinger now leaning in to press a brief kiss to her lips.]

Well, since we seem to have the rest of the night together, is there anything you'd like to do? I've pretty much got permission to do as I please for the night. Well...except for trying to drive the car.

[ that kind of coincidence doesn't happen in teyvat. at least, lumine is certain about that; she's learned that from mona, knows that fate somehow had a hand in their meeting. even so, ajax could've simply walked away and left, and yet, he pursued and persisted as stubbornly as childe would have.

lumine nudges her nose against childe's when ajax has left them once more, shaking her head in exasperation afterwards. ]

Aren't we already spending time together? That's really all that I want.

[ this had been enough for them in the past. all those moments when they have so little time together, their responsibilities and roles demanding their attention. and lumine's learned not to take it for granted, not to waste the opportunity no matter how small it is; after all, who knows when they'd be able to do this again? ]

Do you have anything that you want to do?

[There's a small, mischievous smirk that he shoots her the second she asks. Of course there's something he wants to do, there is always something he wants to do and it is always the same thing. For as long as he still exists, his one-track mind will constantly seek out his purpose in life.]

Comrade, you know all I want to do is have a sparring match with you. It's been too long since the last time we crossed blades.

[No need to remind her how long that's been. He's already getting excited at the idea of having a good fight, but he has to quell his growing need to satiate his bloodlust. Because if they fight, and they wake up the other Lumine...]

But if we wake her, and Ajax finds himself in a worse position than he already is in regarding us, will I be ensuring that tonight will be the only match we have ever again?

[He'd rather have several more sparring sessions than just tonight. He wouldn't want to ruin that.]

So I'd settle for staying in bed, but if you want to stretch your legs, we could go for a walk.

[ lumine gives him a flat look at that suggestion, the corners of her lips pulling to a thin line.

not surprising, but not feasible, either. at the very least, childe seems to have realised the trouble all three of them will get into if the real owner of this body suddenly wakes up and he relents at the idea. plus, she doesn't want ajax to get to brunt of all of lumine's anger, having weathered most of it already. the guy needs a break. ]

Lumine's body won't be able to keep up with you.

[ the fight she's had with the gods lately exhausted her beyond her expectations, even with her at the wheel. she needs more training, far more than she's ever needed.

in any case, she slowly gets up, careful to check if her counterpart is still asleep. ]

Let's go for a walk, then.

[It's a little sad to hear, but he knows even if she'd agreed to a spar, she's right. Lumine's body wouldn't be able to keep up at all. Ajax has trained his body diligently, just as Childe did once he'd realized his calling in life. But, that's something Ajax will have to coax her into as well, training. Good luck, buddy.

He gets up out of bed, arm extending outward to offer his hand for her to take.]

A moonlit walk on the beach sounds romantic, doesn't it? You'd be surprised how calming the sound of the waves lapping up onto the sand is.

[And really, it helped him earlier. But now, he can enjoy it rather than use it to calm himself.]

It'll be nice. Let's go.

[ lumine can't really deny the appeal of walking along the beach at night. of course, the beach in the teapot doesn't really compare to those in teyvat, yaoguang shoal and dihua marsh being her preferred places to go to when she couldn't sleep years ago. but she'd always gone alone, hoping her solitude would allow her to gather her thoughts and help her get through the next day.

she supposes that this walk with childe isn't too different from that. but rather than gather her thoughts, it's allowed her to think about the what-weres and what-could-bes between them, memories of a life they've already lived and a life they're not about to. a part of her wonders if they'll have another chance to do this again, or if this is the last time she'll have the opportunity to be with childe as he is.

admittedly though, lumine is very impressed and surprised that her counterpart has yet to wake up. ]

I can't believe you, [ she sighs as she gently rubs the back of her neck, wincing when her fingers accidentally press onto the hickey he's left there. ] If Lumine notices that ...

[ ajax will be in deep trouble. ]

[It was nice, to reminisce for a while and recount their memories made together. This time spent is much of what he'd wished he would of had with her after that great battle, between sparring matches and exploring more of the world.

And a little on the side too, it seems.]

What, [he responds, grinning.] It's on the back, she'll never see it. I don't know if I'll have another chance to really love on you this way, and since I have to behave right now...

[He'll make the most of it. Childe won't put any marks that's easily found in a mirror on her, but he will let his hands and lips wander across her for as long as she'll let him while they enjoy the rest of the night.

The next morning, Ajax groans when he wakes, feeling tired. His body hasn't had much chance to rest, though he's not sure when his mind passed out last night while Childe and Lumine were spending time together. Sunlight streams in through the windows, and he sighs- he'd still have to get up for work, but maybe he can put it off for a few more hours to let himself rest yet.

He looks over to Lumine, who seems to still be asleep for the moment. He can't believe the two of them got away with it, especially with Childe being the storm of chaos that he is. But at least, Ajax can feel happy about the fact that they were able to talk, even if Lumine would never approve of that little scheme last night.

He doesn't dare wake her. He has a feeling she's going to be exhausted too, as her body wasn't truly allowed to rest until nearly daylight. She must of been tired to of slept through it all...]

[ lumine isn't too different when she wakes up that morning, blearily blinking at the streams of sunlight softly filtering through the window's opaque panes. she lets out a quiet groan when she shifts her body, somehow feeling even more tired than when she's gotten into bed last night. strange, especially when she's certain she had deep, dreamless sleep.

she turns on her other side to check if ajax has gone, surprised to see him still in bed. even stranger, since he often gets up earlier than she does in most cases. ]

You look tired.

[ pot calling the kettle black, but to be fair, she's just pointing things out. she yawns behind the covers, pulling it up to her chin. ]

Didn't sleep last night?

[He's surprised she wakes shortly after he does, rolling on his side to face her. Ajax is certain there must be bags under his eyes, since another mind had kept his body from properly resting. It feels as if he only slept a few hours, and it obviously shows from her comment.]

Not a wink. I was up all night, I might of fallen asleep right as the sun was rising.

[Which probably is about right, given how he feels right now. Ajax yawns, stretching from under the covers. The bed feels so nice, he could almost fall asleep again.]

I don't know how I'm going to get anything done today, haha. I saw that yawn, however. How'd you sleep?

[As if...he didn't already know.]

Edited 2022-08-22 01:36 (UTC)

[ how she'd slept is a very good question, a question she doesn't know the answer to. because lumine's very certain she's had enough hours; it was dreamless, too, which only tells her that she's passed out from exhaustion. and most of the time, if that happens to her after pulling an all-nighter, she feels refreshed the next day.

not today, it seems, despite a warm, lulling feeling that's settled in her limbs. a familiar sensation that she's only had after her intimate evenings with ajax. and she's pretty sure nothing happened the night before. ]

I don't know, [ she yawns again, curling underneath the covers and closing her eyes. ] It feels like I slept and didn't sleep at the same time.

[ she can't sleep again, however! she has things to do, work to finish. ]

We didn't do anything last night, did we?

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