insurmountable | i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[ lumine can feel exhaustion seep into her bones the moment she steps into her apartment, toeing off her shoes and dropping the keys into a crystal bowl near the door. but she doesn't even know if she'll be able to sleep tonight, her mind a complete and utter mess of thoughts and worries, about aether and his possible predicament. she doesn't even want to argue further with ajax, unwilling to get into a long conversation with him over their own circumstances.

she's said her piece, declared her intentions. that's it. she doesn't know what else she wants from her. but as usual, he knows what to say to chip at the walls she's created, break down all the defences she's erected. ]

Don't be stupid, [ lumine sighs as she stops in her tracks, his hand keeping her rooted to the spot. she could easily break free and pull her hand away. ] I was the one who suggested it first.

[ and he was the one who protested first. he was the one who tried to change her mind, but failed, his hand forced by her. he shouldn't be apologising to her. at least, not for that. ]

No need to say sorry.

Haha, but I did anyway.

[Softly smiling back, Ajax steps in, coming to wrap his arms around her. A strong, yet gentle embrace, one he'd yearned for since they'd been separated. Not the one shared in Aether's apartment, when she'd been hoarse from yelling for her brother and scared to death in the aftermath of his kidnapping, but one that they could share. Just for themselves.

A memory bubbles to the surface, of a phrase he'd said a lifetime ago, but still lives and abides by to this day. It's a wonder how the parallels between his life and Childe's seem to mirror each other, even if they were different circumstances, in a different era. Ajax doesn't seem to mind this one, dipping his head down over hers.]

If you make a promise, you keep it. If you make a mistake, you apologize. And if you give someone a dream, you defend it until the end. I made a promise to you two that I'd keep you safe, right? So that you guys could have a dream of always having each other till the end. So I think that rethinking and reconsidering our options is important.

[ her breath catches in her throat when he pulls her into a hug, time seemingly stopping for the both of them. there's a part of her that wants to take a step back and remind him what's currently happening, that wishes to be upset and mad at him. but there's another part of her that simply wants to sink in against him and stay in his arms forever.

lumine doesn't say anything for a long while, her hands simply curling on his chest in a gesture that seems to push him away. but she doesn't, simply leaning her head against his shoulder as if finally giving up. ]

You broke that promise, though ...

[ that he'd keep them safe, that he'd ensure they'd be together. now, aether's gone, taken away by archons-knows-what, and they have no idea where he is. ]

What happened to keeping promises? Making sure Aether's safe?

[He begins to rub her back, her words like lances through him, but he knows that he needs to take responsibility for this. It hurts, knowing that it was ripping her apart inside to not know if Aether was okay or not, that she might even still be blaming herself a little bit for what's happened. For moment, he wishes he could go back to before this had upended their lives, but then...he wouldn't of gotten to meet her either, and he can't imagine a life without her.]

I did. I'm sorry for that too.

[He takes a deep breath, shoulders wracked with stress as they rise and fall despite trying to relax his muscles.]

I'll fix it, [he begins, voice earnest and somber.] Can we figure this out together from now on? No more trying to go on our own. It's not...

[Ajax's eyes close, wandering back to their concerns, their deepest fears about this, and thinking that there must be a way to cut through it without having to put themselves through this.]

...it's not working. And we have to find something that works.

[ there are still so many things lumine wants to hurl his way, misplaced accusations because there's no one else to blame. it's easy to point fingers, to take the burden off of her shoulders, but what would that do? it won't bring back aether to her, and it won't make her feel less awful, less guilty. she's to blame in this; her brother had seen the signs, tried to help her but she refused.

besides, she can tell that ajax is just as much perturbed as she is, no doubt blaming himself just like her. but what hand does he have in this when all she's done is force him? ]

Mm.

[ she too closes her eyes as she leans against him, fingers slightly closing around the front of his shirt. she doesn't what will work for them, doesn't want to think what they'll have to do. because what's the alternate to this? ]

... But what if what happened last time happens again? I don't ...

[ the traveler continues to coax her, gently but surely, to cave in, pushing at the boundaries she's set. it's nothing forceful, nothing demanding. if anything, it lulls her sometimes to a sense of complacency. ]

[How she leans against him so is exactly what he wants, gently guiding her towards her couch so they can both sit down on it. He's wary of her steps, letting her sit and adjusting himself so his arms still wrap around her, gentle and steady as if he were handling a fragile crystal glass that he is protecting from breaking. Though to him, Lumine is anything but fragile- but someone who matters more to him than nearly anything else in his life.

Ajax can feel Childe brush against his mind, the haze creeping once again, but instead the mafia lord tries something else. Something he hasn't thought to do before, thinking he had to fight and ward the other man off. His eyes close again, and he concentrates:

Childe, you have to let me do this, okay?

It's as if the haze then backs down, clears from his vision, and all he can do is smile, a small laugh escaping from him that has no explanation to Lumine, a thank you said under his breath so softly that only she could hear it. He looks to her, and says:]

Why don't we just ask them not to? I just tried it and it seemed to go well.

[Ajax still doesn't feel as if they were here to ruin their lives, take control of them permanently. There's something off about it, something that doesn't line up with what he knows. What it is, he can't tell, but maybe that's another secret to their joining that they need to discover.]

Edited (it's like i forgot my thought or smth idek i'm tired) 2022-06-24 16:31 (UTC)

[ is it really that simple, that easy? to ask them not to, to speak to them as if they're not intent on taking over. lumine hesitates on doing so, unwilling to concede or give quarter to her counterpart in case she slips up and lose control. it's the last thing she wants, needs in this situation.

she looks up from his embrace to meet his eyes, fingers lightly brushing back the bangs that fall over his face. she's seen the kind of eyes childe has, blue with a strange kind of depth to them that brings the fear of the ocean to a person. but there's none of that in ajax's eyes, bright blue despite the low light of the living room.

a moment later, she settles back into his arms with a frown. is this really, truly a good idea, she wonders. even if they are their counterparts ... ]

They're reasonable now, but wait until you give them an inch or two.

[ until they decide to take a mile. fear lingers and swirls inside of her, its hold on her still strong. it mixes in with the anxiety she currently feels without her brother, making it even more potent. ]

[Ajax blinks slowly back at her as his hair is brushed away, meeting the gaze of gold that locks with his own, dazzling him all over again with their light. It never ceases to amaze him how easily he gets lost in her eyes, and when she breaks them away he fights the urge to lift her face up to his own again. But he's forced to settle for her warmth against his, comforting him after the longest week of his life.]

Hahahaha...

[He laughs in response. Not that he didn't think of that, his other method now coming to the surface on how to deal with this problem. It's almost as if he can hear Childe laughing with him, that mischievousness coming through as if her statement was true, or as if that's what the Harbinger expected her to say- it's hard to tell.]

Then we'll just have to be stronger. These are our bodies, remember? Besides, working with them may prove far more fruitful anyhow. Lumine, let's try it. I still don't believe that they've joined with us just to replace us. It doesn't add up, when I think on it further. That doesn't seem like them. Will you try?

[ lumine shifts in his arms, silent in the wake of his request. it doesn't add up, he says. he doesn't believe their fears, he says. and yet, it's still there, pushing and pulling at the boundaries they've both set, uncomfortable and unsettled. what would not fighting back mean? what would allowing them space inside of them mean?

in any case, she pulls away a few moments later, her gaze lowered. she doesn't know if she wants to talk about this now in detail when her brother is out there in dire need of help. ]

... I'll think about it.

[ a.k.a. it'll take a lot of convincing for her to even consider it. after last time, after ajax's confession last week, she doesn't know if she's even willing at all to budge on this. ]

I should go change. The kitchen is there down the hall, and the bathroom is right there. [ she gestures at both areas of the apartment, only a few feet where they are. ] I'll see if I have something that fits you.

[That's not as bad as he thought he was going to get in a response. Ajax is aware of how stubborn she is, and even if it takes more convincing, then he's more than willing to try. It feels like a better solution, a more beneficial one, until they can get to the bottom of what's truly happening to them.]

Alright. Thanks, I didn't think to grab any clothes from home before I left, so it's much appreciated if you're able to find anything.

[His hand briefly settles on the top of her thigh, squeezing it once, expression confident and unwavering despite the uncertainty he feels. But all he can do now for her is to keep an ear to the ground and wait for more reports to come in. In the meantime however, he lets go of her leg and pulls out his phone again quickly to check for any news, unsurprised when there is none.]

I hope you don't mind if I camp out here for a bit. I can have my sister bring some clothes tomorrow so I don't have to run your washer every day.

[He grins at her playfully, as if the idea of him bothering her with his dirty clothes might lead to getting a fun rise out of her, and he'd act innocent the entire time. Maybe he is looking too forward to living with her for this small amount of time...]

[ to be fair, the washer hasn't been used in a while so it probably wouldn't mind if it had a bit of a go in the next few days or weeks that they'll have to stay there. no, she reminds herself, it'll be just be a few days. just a few days ... because they'll find aether as quickly as they can.

lumine pads over to her bedroom, quickly changing into a camisole and a pair of shorts before rummaging through her drawers for something for ajax. a few minutes later, she's walking out of her room, tossing a shirt that's clearly too big for her at his head, heading over to the kitchen after. ]

That should fit you, I think, [ she calls out, peering inside her fridge. her housekeeper at least stocked a few things inside when she dropped by a few days ago.

she pulls out a bottle of water, setting it down on the kitchen counter. ]

My ex has around the same build as you. He's just a bit taller.

Edited 2022-06-25 02:04 (UTC)

[The shirt half hits his head and half lands in his hand as he catches it, the fabric soft and worn. Ajax frowns a little at the ex-boyfriend comment, but that ultimately doesn't bother him. It's not like she's with that guy anymore, anyway.]

Ah, another casualty of love I suppose- no unsuspecting shirt is safe from any girlfriend, haha.

[It will do just fine though, as he takes off his vest and collared shirt to slip into the more comfortable t-shirt she's given him. It's only a little longer on him than he'd normally wear, but to lounge around the house, it's perfect. He smooths it out on his chest a little, before finding somewhere out of the way to dump his own clothes for the time being.

He crosses over to the kitchen, to lean up against the kitchen counter where her water is, giving her a curious look.]

So is this the part of the night where you read until you fall asleep?

[He hasn't forgotten that conversation from so long ago, back in her office before their lives changed forever.]

I didn't steal it, you know. He left it here, and I just haven't returned it yet.

[ besides, it's very nice and soft, something she slept in at night when she's too lazy to find a pair of pajamas and just wants to lie in bed and go to sleep. she has those days sometimes, too; she's not always the type who works herself to the bone.

lumine glances at him before she reaches up to the cupboard to grab a glass, hoping that it's at least been washed. she can't believe he still remembers that one bit when it's been months ago, before everything went sideways in their lives.

a part of her wonders if she can go back to that. ]

No, give it thirty more minutes, and then that's that part of the night.

Oh?

[He gives her a curious look, watching her take a glass out as he continues to lean against the counter. He's curious as to what her routine is, now that he finds himself staying in her apartment. But this is good, keeping her mind focused on normal things at home rather than worrying herself sick over her brother is his aim here.

There's not much they can do at this point but be on the defensive anyway.]

What are we doing? Watching TV? There's a few good shows streaming right now.

[He asks as if he were a little kid who's expecting to be invited and involved in whatever activity comes next.]

Edited 2022-06-25 03:20 (UTC)

[ lumine doesn't reply right away, filling her glass with water and returning the bottle in the fridge afterward. perhaps she should text her housekeeper to drop off a few items from the grocery tomorrow, so they don't at least starve or resort to getting takeout for dinner. plus, she gives ajax a surreptitious glance ... at least cooking would distract him from being too bored. ]

I'm going back to my room to work.

[ admittedly, she needs to distract herself too so she doesn't dwell too much on aether's disappearance. it won't help him if she's too stressed to even think properly.

she starts walking out of the kitchen and back to her bedroom. ]

There are spare pillows and a blanket in the linen closet next to the bathroom.

[Ajax glances over towards the bathroom as she walks to her bedroom, before wandering over to inspect where she was talking about. He finds the spare pillows and blanket, also checking out her bathroom before moving to other parts of the apartment. It's a little small for his tastes, but he can see how it suits her. She never came off as the kind of person who needs or wants for much, but rather the kind that only has the things she needs.

But giving himself the tour doesn't entertain him long, and he's already slipping quietly into her bedroom to go bother her. Spotting her on the bed, he crawls onto it, pretending not to see any kind of glare or irritated glance she may or may not throw his way as he sits next to her, putting his head close to hers to look at her laptop screen to see what she was doing.

Not that he has any idea of what any of it means, but the point isn't to understand her job- it's to get her to stop working.]

You know, this is hardly what anyone would consider relaxing.

[ ... see, maybe she should've pushed back more on this idea. sure, ajax had a point about sticking together, looking after each other and making sure they're both accounted for. but then, this is also what she was dreading, after having realised the kind of personality he has.

lumine sends him a withering glare when he crawls into her bed, clinging to her like a toddler who can't sleep alone. it's clear, however, that it's not working on him, eager to bother her to death unless she entertains him. still, she keeps at it for the next few minutes, reviewing a few documents sent to her email. ]

This is very relaxing to me.

[ everyone has their own way of resting, okay? ]

If you're bored, you can go watch a movie on the TV. I'm pretty sure I still have Aether's account logged onto it.

Mmmmmm...

[He considers it for a hot second before discarding the idea. He has no desire to watch anything alone, not after being distanced from her for a week believing that he wasn't going to be able to see her ever again. Being with her had always felt right, felt like home to him, and he's happy that it's not the end.

So Ajax doesn't budge an inch, if anything he slouches a bit and slides down the bed a hair just so he can lay his head against her shoulder.]

I did consider doing that before, but I think I'd much rather stay in here with you. Besides, who else could possibly get you to finally put your work down and relax your mind a little?

[After all, Aether did tell him this is exactly what she's been doing all week. Burying herself in work, dealing with her stress by taking care of tasks for the company- he knows that a wire wound tight would eventually snap, and this doesn't seem like any exception to him.]

Did I ever tell you about the time that Aether and I were at a party and some chick pants'd him and then proceeded to push him in the pool? I didn't know someone could swim so well in that condition, haha.

[ okay, that gets her to pause, her fingers stopping in their typing and her gaze flickering down at him. it's not because of his head on her shoulder, ginger mixing with gold, as he makes himself comfortable next to her; it's his sudden, out-of-the-blue anecdote that she stops for, blinking twice in surprise and confusion. ]

In Snezhnaya?

[ where it's always freezing? lumine looks up to stare at the window across her bed, the lights outside flickering in between the curtains. ]

... Was it someone he dated and then dumped horribly?

[ she's honestly more surprised that her brother survived that ordeal, knowing his aversion to the cold. though is this really something he should be telling her? ]

Hahahaha! Lumine...

[He laughs, his head turning so he's practically laughing into her shoulder. Right, he supposes for someone who hasn't lived there for any amount of time, the concept of a pool in Snezhnaya is a strange one. He waves a hand in dismissal, almost as if he were retracting his laughter.]

I suppose I didn't think to explain a little. In Snezhnaya, a land of perpetual ice, if you want a pool it has to be indoors. We were fortunate enough that some of our rich friends had a place near campus that their parents use from time to time. It was no obstacle to walk over and have our own little party there.

[He readjusts himself now on her shoulder, letting his head fall more towards the inside of it, shifting closer- he's so close to trapping her arm under him, or she'll have to put her arm around him- her choice, if she doesn't notice.]

But whether or not she was someone he dated and dumped, I don't know. All I remember is glancing over while he was talking to another girl and seeing her stomp over, yank his pants down, boxers and all, and into the pool he went. It was quite a traumatic experience for him, especially since we were all drunk at the time. I believe someone dove in to save him, as if he were Aether's knight in shining armor.

[He laughs again, the memory a little blurry in his mind because of his inebriation that night, but it was hilarious.]

[ wow, look at this guy, laughing at his supposed friend, her twin brother who's currently missing.

lumine shakes her head and nudges him a bit, sighing heavily, as she returns to her preoccupation. her fingers resume typing, her gaze flickering back to the screen. honestly, that story somehow doesn't surprise her. aether, with his pretty face and all, is always loved by everyone, girls and guys; someone getting jealous because he's talking to someone else is very plausible. ]

And no one took videos or even a picture? What a shame.

[ see, this would've been a more effective story for blackmail if he had photo evidence of it. but as it stands, it's just an anecdote. ]

Though I suppose there's another story I could use to blackmail him in the future ... [ tucked away in her phone, hidden in one of the locked folders. ] You and him, I mean.

Hey now...

[He shifts his weight, lifting his head off of her to look at her pleadingly, before lowering himself back down right into her shoulder again. Except now he's making sure to burden her arm with his weight, having moved in enough now to make it uncomfortable for her to hold it there and still type.]

You wouldn't really use that against us, would you?

[He looks up at her with those ocean blue eyes that seem to get bigger as he speaks. They shine in the light of the room, a sad tone as if she'd kicked him while he was down.]

We just wanted to make sure you were safe, and this is our repayment? Lumine, you wouldn't.

[ oh. oh ... lumine can tell what he's trying to do, not just with the expression he tosses her way but also with the press of his body against her shoulder. he's a little too heavy to try and shove him off of her with her arm currently pinned down. she also doesn't want to accidentally drop her laptop.

but if he thinks that that's going to work on her a second time, he's mistaken. especially when she herself knows his weaknesses.

her other hand pausing in its typing, reaching out to tilt his chin up. lumine doesn't lean in completely, however, only tilting forward so she can tease him with her proximity. instead, she continues to coax him higher and higher—until she can feel the pressure on her arm lighten. ]

Didn't we agree that I'll delete it if you do me a favour? I haven't heard a yes to that yet from you.

[The touch of her fingertips on his chin is irresistible, his chin going up with them as she coaxes him up. It's the kind of touch he'd missed, the kind of teasing he wanted from her as she leads him so easily upward towards her. At first, his eyes widen before half closing as his mind falls under her whims, having to shift himself once again to move upward, his weight slowly being removed from her arm.]

I know better than to agree blindly to any favor you ask. I'll do you a favor, but I get to choose whether or not if I'll agree to it.

[His hand falls onto her thigh once more to steady himself and he raises himself upward, still trapped by her hand on his chin.]

So are you going to just tease me all day or are you going to kiss me?

[ he's like a dog, isn't he? easily following the whims of his master, easily satisfied and pleased by a bone thrown towards his direction. but lumine doesn't want him to be anything else, especially when this could all be used to her advantage. for the next boss of his family's empire, he sure is easily coaxed around her finger.

she waits until his weight is completely off of her arm before she smiles at him—and pushes him back down on the bed, avoiding his weight from falling on top of her by leaning away. ]

I think I prefer teasing you all day if you're not going to agree with what I'm asking.

[ lumine fixes the laptop back on the pillow, resuming her work now that her arm is finally free from him. see? her charm totally works wonders. ]

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