Childe "I Can Make Her Worse" Tartaglia (
monoceroscaeli) wrote in
insurmountable2022-05-07 07:34 pm
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Entry tags:
i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone
[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.
For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.
Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.
Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.
And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.
Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.
Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]
Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.
For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.
Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.
Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.
And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.
Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.
Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]
Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.
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He takes the bowl that slid to him, sampling it a little. It's good, just as good as it smells, and he smiles back to her after trying it.]
It's as good as I thought. Do I have to give it back?
[He teases her, taking another sip of her soup. If she leaves it with him too long, there might not be any left. He gazes over to her mischievously, as if he'd actually keep it if she let him.]
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Is it really that good?
[ for him to suddenly ask if he has to give it back to her. lumine lowers her onigiri for a bit, her gaze flickering to the bowl. admittedly, she didn't really think too much of it when she ordered it; she only wanted something warm and filling to pacify her growling stomach so she can continue sleeping in peace later tonight. but for him to ask for it all of a sudden ...
or maybe she's just overthinking as usual, and ajax is being ajax, pulling her leg and being a belligerent idiot. ]
Sure. Let me have a taste first, and then, you can have it after.
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You're getting better at not taking my bait. Here.
[He offers her his wrap, so she can try that as well. They're in Inazuma, it's only natural to want to try everything it has to offer. And there's no need to spend the extra cash when you can just share.]
You barely ordered anything at all. Try this too, if you like it, we can split it if you're willing to share your soup.
[Ajax's eyes soften now, losing that gleam of a bratty kid who wants to start a fight- instead, they take on a dim glow, as if the moon itself was reflecting in his eyes as he gazes back at her.]
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[ or she really genuinely thought that he wanted it. either way, she wouldn't have minded if he took the soup for himself so long as she at least had a spoonful of it. just so she'd know what it tastes like and understand why he even wanted it. but that's done, and lumine's pulling the bowl back to her.
she doesn't continue eating, however, once more pausing to blink at him and stared at the proffered wrap. she would've declined the offer, arguing that she's barely eaten her rice balls, before she decides otherwise, her hand reaching out and curling around his wrist.
her other hand tucks back her hair behind an ear, the action deliberately slow. the hand around his wrist tugs it closer to her as she leans forward, cants her head a bit to one side and takes the end of the wrap into her mouth. her gaze flicker to his face, like seemingly asking permission for one very long moment, before she bites off a piece of it. a moment later, she's pulling back, releasing his wrist and chewing thoughtfully. ]
Mm, this one isn't bad either.
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It's almost as if it happens in slow-mo, the hair being tucked, his wrist getting tugged forward. A heat shoots through him, his jaw dropping as her eyes momentarily meet his own as she holds the food in her mouth, and he knows his cheeks are lighting up as they flush, pink coloring his face. He can feel himself rise in his pants, still staring at her mouth as she chews the wrap. He hangs there for a moment, before sighing and putting the wrap back down on the plate that it came on, his head meeting his hand.]
Lumine...
[He pauses, because what does he even say to that.]
You know, as much as I thought that perhaps my end would come at the hands of an ancient god...I suspect it's going to be because of you.
[She did call it last week, didn't she.]
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Is that your way of saying that you'll never win against me?
[ that's a shame. she thought he'd put up more of a fight against her, especially when his counterpart seems to be the type who wouldn't give just in. then again, childe seemed to fold under lumine's touch easily and quickly, without too much effort from teyvat's famed traveler. she really had her leash around his neck, that one.
she rests her chin on a hand, tilting her head to one side in amusement. oh, this is quite entertaining, isn't it? just like their little stint last week. ]
Don't tell me that turned you on.
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So what if it did? I'm hardly ashamed to tell you what excites me. In fact, that makes it all the more enticing.
[He gives her a sly look, meeting her gaze with his own.]
But don't think it means you're going to win every time just because you know such personal details about me. I'll still come back with my own strategies for next time.
[Because it's not as if he doesn't know how to entice her, too. And learning more ways to coax her will always entertain him.]
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lumine gives him a mild look over her onigiri, and for a full minute, she doesn't say anything. she does take a bite of her food, however, once more looking thoughtful as she considers his words. she's pretty sure she's going to win every time, if only because he's almost similarly built as his counterpart, mind and body, and because he's clearly acting like a lovesick pubescent teenager.
she tests it out underneath the table, shifting her leg and pressing her foot against his calf, running it lightly and suggestively along its curve. all the while, her expression remains nonchalant, finishing her first rice ball before reaching out for another. ]
Mm, we'll see about that. I'd like to see that determination break down into pieces.
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He lets his head fall into the palm of his hand, tilted to one side as she rubs his calf with her foot. It's nice, and he loves the touch, but he keeps his face plastered with that same cocky smile he likes to wear so much.]
Is that what you're into?
[He says, picking his wrap up again and taking another bite. Delicious.]
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Maybe, [ she replies with a shrug, glancing at him once more. ] Though there are only a few guys who managed to meet my expectations, so I can never tell.
[ barely a handful, really, with all of the guys she dated in the past few years. maybe that's why aether didn't feel threatened by them or didn't have such an adverse reaction towards him; her own twin could feel that her interest is lacking. her foot brushes against the underside of his knee before it plants itself between his legs on his seat.
now that things are slowly unraveling, however, she has a feeling there's a reason for that. ]
What about you? Are you only into me because of Childe?
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But the question gives him pause. It's not a question that he expected her to ask so cooly, as cavalier as he acts sometimes almost. It's a trap, it's a question that's rooted in something more serious, something that if he answers incorrectly could hurt her.]
You want the truth? I've had my eye on you since the day I met you.
[He's not lying. He remembers how he felt drawn to her, before their first vision, before their whole world broke down and transformed into this cat and mouse chase between themselves and Celestia.]
I didn't think much of it at the time, because of prior responsibilities I had to take care of. I almost thought I was being quite ridiculous, but you've been on my mind ever since then.
[He says it with confidence, not a hint of doubt painted on his features. What transpired after, well that's another story. But he's not sure how he could convey that to her, not in this scenario.]
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still, she keeps her eyes on his expression, observing any changes in it, any shift that would indicate that he's being irreverent and thoughtless. confidence can be easily masked if this was over the phone, the tone of voice effortlessly manipulated. but there's always something on a person's face that gives them away.
but there's none on ajax's face, which makes her feel a multitude of conflicting feelings. it would've been easier for her if he had answered yes. ]
But whatever your feelings are, is it your own or is it Childe's?
[ she doesn't know why that matters, but she feels that it should, considering what's happening to them. ]
When you look at me, is it the other Lumine you're seeing? The one in our visions?
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He won't play around here, no teasing, nothing of the sort.
Because out of everything that's happening to them, this frightens him the most.]
Lumine, I think at this point we have no reason to hide things from each other. Would you agree?
[It's not that he's trying to dodge her question, but he wants to make sure they're on the same page before he answers it. It's a conversation that he feels has been coming for some time now, but how to approach it is important to him.]
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but she supposes that that's something that can be discussed on another day, a less tiring, less frustrating day.
she gestures at him, withdrawing her leg and letting her foot drop back to the floor. her own food is also set aside, most likely to be forgotten depending on how this conversation will go. ]
Sure, go on.
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He has to take a moment, before he responds. It's a heavy question she's asked him, and it's deserving of a worthy answer. But he too, has questions of his own.]
Lumine...it's a difficult question to answer. Because I don't even know if I'm even me anymore.
[He looks away, his eyes narrowing. He thinks back to what they'd said as Childe and Lumine indulged in each other. How he was fighting Childe off, how easily he'd rushed and taken control. And how it felt like everything Childe said and thought was himself, thinking and saying it along with him. As if there were no difference between the two of them.]
It's the same for you, isn't it? We're both housing them inside of us.
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lumine says nothing for a long while, lowering her gaze to the table as she gathers her thoughts. rifles through it like she would with work, thoroughly and keenly. her hands shake before she balls them into fists, tucking them under the table. ]
I knew that ... I had a feeling ...
[ that day in snezhnaya, right after they've met them, something had felt different. and she'd been fighting against those feelings ever since, unwilling to allow it to change her, but it's always felt like she's been fighting against the sea. ]
But no, I'm still myself, [ she says with a firm shake of her head. ] I haven't changed at all. I know I haven't, or else, Aether would've noticed something.
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I should tell you something else. When...
[He looks down again. It's hard to say. But it might be important for her to know.]
When Yae entered me, she pointed out that there was a hole inside me. It was as if she could take her finger and stick it right through my soul. She asked me if I was ever going to let it heal, and if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to regain my full strength. I don't know what that means, but I can't help but think it's related to Childe.
[Yae telling him he was stubborn, telling Lumine she was stubborn too. He doesn't want to admit it, sorely doesn't want to. But what if that's their fate, that eventually it will heal up on its own and he disappears? It's a fate he doesn't want, for either of them.]
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still, she doesn't know if summoning yae will help them or make things even more complicated. on another day, perhaps, but not now; she's had enough of her earlier. ]
Childe said something to Lumine about how they should've told us ...
[ told them what? not to fight it? that was their conversation earlier, something that lumine's managed to catch before she drowned in ajax—childe. she doesn't know how to make sense of it. ]
... So how do you know, then? [ she looks up at him, nails digging into her palm. it hurts, but it keeps her ground. ] That you've been drawn to me since seeing me if you can't even tell. That could've just been your friendship with my brother and fascination since we do look alike, after all.
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[That's something he needs to set straight right away, whatever this reasoning she has with her brother being some kind of influence on his emotions.]
The fact that he's your twin bears no weight on this whatsoever. I'm not into guys, so trust me when I say that he's a non-factor in this. If anything, the only thing that would factor in is that I be nice to you since you're my friend's sister. But that isn't what we're talking about here.
[Okay. Now that that's settled. It's back to the hard question and topic, the one that he'd been putting off addressing for some time now.]
However, I don't know how to answer your question...because while I know my affections for you are my own, I can't shake that they are also his. It's hard to explain. It's as if when I look at you, not only do I see you, but he sees her at the same time. And our feelings...they're the exact same.
[So was it Childe's feelings, or his own? When he thinks about, it's both, and it sends a wave of uncertainty through him, nearly knocking him off his feet. Saying that was hard enough, but facing the reality of it...that's even harder.]
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[ what she meant at all, but lumine says nothing more, simply lowering her gaze again to her plate and sighing under her breath. is there any point arguing about that, especially when he's so adamant about his own feelings towards her and towards her twin brother?
for a moment, she unclenches her hands, gaze flickering over the half-moon indents her nails dug into her palm, before she closes them again. ]
... But doesn't that make it even more suspect? To say you both feel the same way, to say that your feelings are the exact same when you look at me ...
[ how does he know that those aren't childe's feelings but his? because where do feelings end and childe's start and vice versa? the line gets blurred, nothing at all different from hers when she looks at him. ]
This is getting too complicated.
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Does it truly matter anymore? If it's him or me? He's right, you know. I've been warding him off as much as I can, but I've failed more than once. And with every day that passes, I can't help but feel as if the line between where he stops and I begin fades away more and more.
[Ajax thinks back, not only is that the case, but his memories have been popping up into his head too. Ones he can remember clearly, telling him more and more about who Childe was as a person back then.]
He and I aren't all that different. I'm really not surprised that no one's noticed yet. And perhaps, that fate might befall you, too, if it hasn't already.
[He looks to her now, as if to ask if she was sure that she hadn't changed. If maybe, Lumine from the distant past was also similar to her, in some ways. So much so that even Aether wouldn't notice.]
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but is that really something that he doesn't mind? to lose himself and become childe? sure, perhaps they're not at all different, but for her, they are. ]
So, you wouldn't care if I call you Childe? If I think of you as him?
[ would she be able to accept that if she were in his place? to be seen as the other lumine, the lumine who is not her? what would become of her, then? her identity, her life—is she simply going to have to relinquish it all to a person who's lived their own life already a thousand years ago? ]
... Is that your answer to my question, then? Is it the other Lumine you see when you look at me?
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[Ajax's hand comes up to push his hair up out of his face, holding his forehead in frustration. It's not that, but he can't explain it well at all. How in some aspects, he hasn't changed at all, either because it hasn't gotten to that point or because he and Childe are so much alike that there was no difference to begin with. That only small parts of the Harbinger have come through noticeably, but he'll refrain from telling her that- because it's upsetting, and it's already bad enough he's upset.
He doesn't want to upset her any more than he already has.]
When...I'm me, I see you. I can see the difference between yourself and your ancient counterpart, and I don't conflate the two. But sometimes, not always however, in intimate moments...it's as if both worlds blend together. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
[Ajax hopes she understands. He looks as upset as he sounds, not hiding how he feels about this. It's a reality that's shaken him to his core, and even now he's trying his best to be honest and yet supportive all at the same time.]
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but that existential dread remains deeply rooted within her, its tendrils wrapped around her heart. she doesn't lose what she has, who she is. otherwise she shouldn't have lived at all. ]
... Will it help if we don't see each other?
[ lumine can feel herself being torn apart as she says those words, as if two halves of her fighting for and against the idea. but if it's as what he says, if it only happens during moments they're together— ]
Maybe if we keep away from each other, then things would go back to how they were. And that would be for the best, wouldn't it? ... For us.
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The words repeat in his mind. No. He doesn't want that. No. He can't. No.]
I can't stand the thought of not being able to see you again.
[Spoken in a dreadful, painful whisper. As if he may stop breathing if he was barred from being with her. Ajax had never intended this conversation to end with a confession on his end, but he'd put it out there, so why hide it. But still- even though he knows she's right, it might be a way to keep this process from stopping. But what of Yae's advice? What of what Lumine and Childe had said? Even if they don't see each other anymore, can they really stop the process of becoming one with them?]
...And I don't think that's possible anyhow. We're still being hunted. It would be far too easy for them to pick us off apart.
[Because he still can't deny that truth, either. He feels stuck, like there's nothing he can do but walk this path set before him.]
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