insurmountable | i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[ there are no tides in this place, no changing seasons or even the passing of time. to lumine, it feels like a realm that's frozen in place while the entire world goes with their life. she supposes that, in a way, this would make for a good shelter from the conflict happening in their lives at the moment.

but she doesn't get to contemplate it at the moment, pausing in her tracks when she hears her name. she turns around to find ajax waving at her, walking unsteadily towards her with his stick—or at least, she thinks it's ajax.

yes, it's definitely him. she doesn't think childe would be this chipper to greet her, not after their conversation. ]

Is he gone? [ she asks him, glancing down at her feet when the water washes over them. ] I thought he'd stay a little longer to look around the place.

[ what did he want anyway? even her counterpart isn't pushy enough to ask her to see the teapot. ]

He's gone.

[Well, sort of. It's not as if he isn't sitting right there, always with Ajax wherever he goes. He glances out at the sunset again, before returning his gaze to her. It's a very serene moment here, and Ajax can't say that he doesn't appreciate it.]

I think he was more concerned about the real treasure to him in the house, being those letters he took out of the drawer. They were from his family. I didn't realize how sentimental he was about things like that.

[Ajax reaches out to take her hand, to begin to walk back down the beach towards the house again, if she'll even let him take her hand to begin with. He's not sure if she's upset with him for letting Childe be here, given how cold she had been towards the Harbinger during his brief stay.]

Are you mad at him? At Childe.

[He'd told her a lot of things he's sure she didn't want to hear. If anything Ajax got the impression she didn't even want to be near the guy, partially because of himself, he thinks. She's been protective of him in regards to his other self, and while he thought that was sweet, at the same time he's not sure if that's helping them right now.]

[ lumine's instinct is to pull her hand away when he reaches out, clasping it around her arm instead. her gaze shifts away from ajax back to the water as she follows him towards the house once more.

honestly, there's no reason for her to be upset about it—to be upset towards him. it's his body, and he can decide whatever he wants to do with it. at the end of the day, it's his call if he wishes to allow childe to merge with him or whatever. and any changes with him are his to deal with. ]

No, I'm not.

[ and without another word or explanation, she quickens her pace, moving past him. maybe it was a bad idea to stay here, after all. and while she knows that their presence seemingly soothes the adeptus in the teapot, lumine doesn't know if she should even be here. ]

[He lets his hand drop back to his side, not surprised that she's pulled away from him like this. So she's not upset with Childe, she's upset with either him or both of them. But given the new details on the matter, he can't blame her. That was a lot to process, and he's sure she's not accepting of any of it.

He's not entirely sure if he's accepted it all either, but Ajax knows he's far more open to it than she is. Especially know that he knows it'll be easier for him to fight if he goes along with it.]

Lumine...

[He watches her pull ahead of him, not being able to keep up due to his injuries. Sighing, he wonders what he could possibly say now to reassure her. This one just...might take time.]

Listen, I know you're upset because you're afraid you're going to lose me. And I admit I have changed a little, but it's only changes that were built upon something that already existed. Will you believe me?

[Ajax tries to speed his pace up, but it doesn't work out for him, the sand acting like a sea of molasses that makes his step unsteady in his condition.]

And will you slow down a little? I can't keep up.

[ lumine stops in her tracks and turns around to look at him, her expression impatient as she waits for him to catch up. it was probably a mistake to tell childe to have ajax look for her, deciding that she doesn't want to discuss this with him after all. she could probably try to deflect it, but she knows ajax well enough by now. ]

I'm not afraid of anything, [ she tells him with a sigh, once more looking away. ] If you want to merge or combine with Childe, that's up to you. It's your body, your autonomy. You get to decide on what to do with it.

[ if he changes, then he changes. will she be upset about it? sure, maybe. but what can she do? she can't control him or force his hand; that wouldn't be too different from childe. ]

I don't think there's anything else we need to talk about that.

[He hears her words, understands them, but he doesn't quite buy it. If that was the case, she wouldn't be walking away from him so quickly, acting so coldly towards Childe. He sighs, eyes softening as he asks the rhetorical question:]

Are you saying that to reassure me, or yourself?

[Finally catching up to her, he slows himself to let his sore muscles rest a little, stick sinking into the sand as he rests against it. Maybe coming out here wasn't a great idea for his body, but at least he's alive to be able to do it.]

Why don't we head back for now. I'm admittedly getting a little hungry, and I still need to return your brother's vision to him. I managed to find it in a stroke of luck during my fight with that god. I'm sure he'll be delighted to have it back. We can figure out sleeping arrangements, too. It'll give us something to do, take our mind off things.

[ her lips thin at the remark but she says nothing in response, turning her gaze back to the house.

he's right, they should probably look for aether—or she should probably look for aether and speak to him. about the teapot, about their past, about the other person living inside of her. if only she could be as detached as her twin brother from the events, not at all remembering his own past or history, then she'd be free from all of this.

lumine walks wordlessly next to him, only pulling ahead once they've reached the front door and walking towards tubby to ask where her twin brother is. a moment later, she's walking barefoot through the garden around the back in search of aether through the foliage, whom she eventually finds sitting next to a tanuki statue. ]

Ae ...

[ on aether's other side seems to be a cryo slime, peacefully snoozing. despite this, her brother doesn't seem to be bothered by the chill, his own eyes momentarily closed.

... who keeps a cryo slime in their own backyard? he snorts, looking up at her. ]

The previous owner of the house, apparently. It's a convenient air-conditioner, isn't it? [ she takes a seat next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. ] Hungry? Let's have dinner.

[He watches Lumine go, before he has a question for Tubby himself. Was any of the food in the house okay to use, and if he cooked something, if it would be safe to eat. The adeptus nods, as she's made sure to keep food in the teapot, but only that of liyuean ingredients. But that's fine by him, he's sure he can whip up something out of that, but first things first.

Ajax follows to the back, peeking around the corner of the house to see the twins resting with each other, and his eyes widen for a moment at the slime- but then soften again with recognition. They really did bring the cryo slime back with them, he can't believe it. Guess it decided to behave after all, and he idly wonders if its been lonely the last thousand years.]

Hey you two, Tubby said she stocked the kitchen with ingredients so I'm going to whip something up. Got a preference?

[Hobbling over to them, he takes Aether's vision out of his pocket, handing it to him.]

Oh, and, I think you dropped this, [he says with a wink.] I managed to find it before I fled the warehouse. Keep the delusions though, they're a good backup just in case.

[ lumine once more falls silent when ajax approaches them, burying her face against aether's shoulder. her brother, on the other hand, shifts to receive the vision that's been taken from him, finally feeling relieved that it's been returned. it's always felt like something's missing in him when it was taken, the sensation like a hole in his own being.

thanks, he replies with a smile before he glances down at lumine, finally noticing that something's wrong. aether pulls his sister closer to him, a hand coming up to rest against her head and smooth her hair. he can ask her what's wrong later, especially when she seemed to be excited about showing him the place around.

... anything will do. i think everyone's hungry and won't be too picky today.

once ajax has left, lumine lifts her head just a bit, her chin resting on his shoulder. the cryo slime too stirs from its little nap, bouncing over to lumine as if recognising her.

something's wrong, isn't there? ]

[Ajax leaves, entering the house and moving to the kitchen to leave the two of them alone for a while. He figures that's for the best, since Lumine has barely been out of the hospital and they haven't really had a chance to talk about anything that's occurred this week.

And he knows she can't really look at him for the time being, given how she hid her face from him just now. He sighs- this has gotten far too complicated, and he'll need some time to contemplate it all. So instead, he busies himself in the kitchen, his muscles feeling a little better now that he's moving them around, but still careful with his leg and chest.

The meal he prepares is a simple one, a Snezhnayan borscht recipe that he's spiced up with the additional liyuean ingredients available. He's never made spicy borscht before, but there's a first time for everything. He hopes that they like it, in addition to baking some potatoes for the three of them to eat, putting chives, sour cream and butter on the side for them.

The meal, he figures, should give the two of them plenty of time to spend time with each other, and it's not until about around an hour later that he pops his head back out to the garden.]

Hey, dinner's ready. I made you guys something from my homeland, but I tried going for a liyuean style of it. I think it tastes alright. Come on, before it gets cold.

[ honestly, the one hour isn't enough for the both of them to talk. aether, for one, has a lot on his mind as is lumine, and the two of them has yet to scratch the surface of their thoughts when ajax popped back out to let them know that dinner is ready. but at the very least, aether was able to figure out what was happening with his sister.

he gives ajax a nod before he gets up from the bench, holding a hand out to lumine to pull her up. she reluctantly gets back on her feet, giving him a helpless look.

oh, don't give me that face. i told you this was trouble.

and yet, he knows that no matter how many times he tells her off, she's going to stubbornly follow what she wants and there's nothing that he can do to dissuade her. besides, he has a feeling that his meddling in these matters, even if lumine has been now needling him to do so, will only upset her further.

lumine trails after aether inside, taking a seat next to him at the table. her hand pushes the soup around in the bowl, not taking a bite out of it. ]

Ae ...

[ lumi wants to sleep next to me tonight, aether suddenly tells ajax, looking up at the other male as he takes a spoonful of the borscht. sorry if you two had plans together. ]

Uh...

[That gets Ajax to stop mid-bite of his own soup, a little surprised by that statement. It definitely wasn't what he was expecting Aether to blurt out suddenly, thinking this would come up when they actually discussed which room would go to whom. He blinks at Aether, before setting the spoon back in his soup.]

That's certainly not a topic I was expecting that we were going to cover over dinner, but alright. Sleeping by myself for a while will be better for me anyhow, given my injuries. I wouldn't want to have an accident in the middle of the night.

[He's already had two instances of Lumine nearly breaking his ribs all over again, and he'd rather not. He can slip in bed with her later when his chest and leg heals.

He glances over the two of them, wondering what they talked about. Something is wrong, and he's got a feeling he was definitely a subject of discussion at some point during their time together. And he's got a good feeling he knows exactly what it is.]

Seems you two have been talking about me. But about what, I wonder?

[He says knowingly, but he doesn't want to divulge his own thoughts on it. He doesn't actually know how far she went with that information, and he's not going to spill it here either.]

Edited (i literally forgot an entire part of a sentence wow) 2022-07-12 19:09 (UTC)

[ lumine frowns at his comment about late-night accidents, and she lets her spoon fall back into the bowl. she hasn't really regained her usual appetite from before the incident in the warehouse happened, and it looks like she's not about to regain it anytime soon. aether glances at her, lifting an eyebrow. ]

Not everything is about you, you know.

[ after all, aether has his own questions and thoughts about this entire ordeal. and she didn't exactly help her twin brother out by bringing him to this place and showing him a picture that they've never taken in the past.

aether, on the other hand, just continues eating, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at the possibly impending argument. he doesn't want to be here, really.

what lumi meant to say is that we have a few things we still need to talk about, and it's not necessarily about you, ajax. what he wouldn't give to get out of this quarrel between his sister and her ... thing. besides, as you said, you have injuries and you'd rather not have accidents while asleep. ]

[More like I caught her red handed, Ajax thinks to himself as he takes another bite of his soup. He understands what Aether is laying down for him- they definitely didn't get the chance to get through everything, not as if an hour would be nearly enough time. He nods back to Aether with understanding, returning to his food and ignoring Lumine for the moment.]

You two don't mind if I take the spare bedroom down here then, yes? Climbing up the stairs earlier really took it out of me.

[Hopefully in a few more weeks the soreness would go away completely, and a little further out after that he'd be able to ditch the walking stick while his leg finishes healing. He can't wait, it's already bad enough he feels almost like an invalid.]

Why don't I leave you two alone while I move my things into the house after dinner. There is the rest of the teapot to explore, and I might go have a little chat with our icy friend out there to see if it'll help me with my leg.

I do mind.

[ lumine pushes the bowl away from her, her appetite completely gone. aether, on the other hand, continues to eat his soup, taking a forkful of the potato as well while letting the two have at it. if he needs to rein his sister in, he will, but at the moment, it doesn't seem like lumine needs any reining in. ]

I'm not comfortable using the bedroom upstairs. [ and she's pretty sure he knows which bedroom she's talking about unless she wants him to still point that out to him. which she doesn't. ] So I'd rather Aether and I stay in the room downstairs.

[ she understands that he's injured and all, but surely, he can't expect her to stay in the same room she mentioned that's not hers earlier. ]

Otherwise, if it's going to be an issue, we can always return to the apartment.

[Ajax is a little taken aback, but he realizes that he doesn't actually know if the other room upstairs is a bedroom or not. Since Lumine was in the teapot previous to themselves, he takes it that it is indeed, not a bedroom. He gives her an apologetic look, letting out a small laugh.]

Sorry. I thought that the other room upstairs was also a bedroom, but we didn't go in there at all, did we.

[Ajax He glances over to Aether, to get a read on his friend's expression, before returning to the matter at hand.]

That's fine, I'll stay upstairs then. I've only got some clothes that I need to move anyhow, so it shouldn't be a problem. Is that to your satisfaction?

[ aether only shrugs at him in response, unwilling to get involved in the middle of whatever is happening. he, for one, doesn't really care which bedroom they stay in, but it seems lumine does, so he'll go along with her judgment. no use arguing with his sister when she's somehow on a proverbial warpath.

in any case, lumine gets up from her seat and takes her bowl over to the sink, still untouched and without another glance at ajax. she's more than happy to return the favour of ignoring him. ]

I'll see you in the bedroom, Ae. I'm tired.

[ once more, aether just shrugs and waves his hand at her, his mouth still full of potatoes and spicy broth. it's only after her footsteps have faded and the door to one of the rooms slides close that he swallows the food and turns to look at ajax.

you can get out of this, you know. ]

[Ajax watches her go, not saying another word. He figures he'll leave her alone for a while, because he understands she's still got a lot to process. He only returns to his food, sighing into it.]

I'm not sure if I know what you mean, Aether.

[He takes another bite of his soup, still looking down into it, not knowing what to do at this point. He's barely had time to process anything himself, and he had a lot on his plate to consider, even if she wasn't part of this process at all.]

[ sure, but i'm just saying you can still get out of this if you want.

ajax is a good friend, yes. and aether cares about him despite all the stupidity they've been through all these years, all the mess they've found themselves in, including the last incident in the volkov's warehouse.

but ajax should know by now who aether will side with. at the end of the day, lumine is still his twin sister, and no matter how difficult she can be to deal with, there's no way he can abandon her or not stay by her side. he's unable and unwilling to fix this on behalf of ajax, even if he wanted to.

if you two are going to be like this every other week, then the eventual end result is just going to be disastrous. ]

[Ajax just shakes his head, eating a bit more. He appreciates his concern, but is it really that simple? None of this will ever be simple, none of it will ever be normal. Just as his eyes will never look the same again, forever lacking light in them until the day he dies.]

Things are far more complicated than you think, to just "get out". Whatever she told you was only a fraction of the truth, I'm sure of it.

[He knows that they were talking about him, at least at some point while he'd been making dinner. Aether wouldn't of said anything to him the way he did if they hadn't.]

Besides, I can't just walk away. There's no way I could allow myself to do so. Aether... [Ajax continues to stare down into his soup, speaking softly:] I love her. I really do.

[Another bite is taken, but it feels forced now, finding himself losing his own appetite.]

I wish she'd talk to me, but I don't think she's even being honest with herself. I know why she's upset; it's because she doesn't want to lose me, and I think she feels as if she already has. At least, that's what I think. I know that probably doesn't make much sense right now. Sorry.

[ aether sighs heavily. complicated is an understatement, as it's always been with the guys who date his sister, especially lumine can be pretty detached about her relationships if it becomes too much of a pain for her. but for once, it doesn't seem like it's one-sided, considering how it affects his twin sister too in more ways than one.

and here i thought i'd never see you stupidly fall in love with anyone. i should've made a bet with the other guys.

having known ajax for a while, it's almost hilariously pitiable how he's down so bad over a girl when he's never been like this before. but then again, said girl is also his twin sister, so aether also has very little reason to pity him.

he finishes his soup before going for the potatoes, tearing it apart with his fork and slathering it in butter.

well, she did say you're changing to someone else. whatever that means. i suppose only lumine can tell. she's pretty perceptive, after all, so it won't surprise him if she's noticed something's amiss. and to be fair, she's pretty upset over it.

and he's never seen her this affected over a guy. what a mess. why do you think she's not being honest with herself? ]

[Ajax can't help but laugh at Aether's jab at him. He also, is a little surprised that he would fall in love so hard over someone like he has. Even if he understands part of the reason why, which in and of itself is also incredibly complicated. Maybe he was always meant to find her, as if it was fate or destiny that would lead him to Lumine, having felt that pull the moment he met her.

And if it's true, if he really is what Childe says he is, then everything seems to fall into place perfectly. Even he can't deny that.]

I don't think she wants to admit that she cares for me, even though her actions betray her every step of the way, haha. And what's happening to me is making things even worse, it seems.

[He glances up at Aether, a small, sad smile on his face.]

She's both right and wrong, by the way. About me changing. I suppose if you want to understand more, you can go look at the rest of the pictures down the hallway, past the one with yourself and Lumine.

[He pauses to play with one of the beets in his soup, sighing.]

There's one of me, too.

[ lumine just has to find the most self-aware guy to hook up with, hasn't she? aether's almost amused, if only because his sister has never been one to let down her guard even around the guys she dated. and yet, here's someone who can read her like an open book despite her proclivities at deflection.

he presses his lips together, forehead wrinkling. yeah, no. i'll check it out when i'm ready to check it out.

as it stands, his own photo with lumine still looms over him like an unknown creature, something that he still hasn't completely addressed with his sister.

anyway, give her time and space. she'll probably come around eventually. probably, eventually.

the operational words in that sentence, really. ajax should know by now how stubborn his sister is, so he shouldn't be surprised if this takes time to fix between the two of them. at least, by then, you might have fully recovered already. ]

[Ajax didn't figure that Aether would be too happy to hear that, but he feels that they can't really run from the truth of the matter. The man only hopes that Lumine is forthright with her brother about things. He too, may end up in their same situation- and that's already been enough of a hardship.]

Hopefully it won't take quite that long. She knows I don't like the idea of being away from her for longer than necessary.

[The cheeky grin on his face says it all- that he'll be a brat somehow to get what he wants, even if he has to use The Look that he's sure Aether is all too familiar with.]

But, for now, I'll concentrate on taking care of my things. I suppose if Lumine leaves you with unanswered questions when the two of you finally get to sit down and talk, I'll do my best to fill in the gaps for you. [He pauses, looking very serious all of a sudden.]

I'm not interested in hiding things from you, Aether, really. I don't think any of us should be leaving each other in the dark anymore. Things have gotten far too dangerous for that.

[He waves a hand, to go, picking up his bowl to head off to the kitchen. He'll leave the twins alone for the rest of the evening, to put his things upstairs and have their pet cryo slime nurse his knee for him. It sure seemed happy to see him...he guesses he and Childe made up after their first interaction.]

[ just because my sister knows about it doesn't necessarily mean she'll do something about it.

in any case, aether just waves a hand as he too finishes his meal, picking up his own dishes to set them down in the sink before heading over to the bedroom where lumine's waiting. where it's clear from his twin sister's expression that they have much to talk about, much to discuss—not just about ajax, but about their current circumstances and aether's questions about the photos.

lumine continues to avoid ajax in the next couple of days, preferring to do her work in her shared room with aether or back in the apartment when everyone else is in the teapot. but anyone with their head screwed on right will eventually realise that she's gone.

and she's not gone as in she swerved into another room to avoid ajax heading down the hall, but gone as in no trace of her person in the teapot or in the apartment.

aether, on the other hand, has become more comfortable wandering around the realm, checking out the different islands and speaking to tubby. his conversation with lumine about their past counterparts, the other lumine living within her, and the changes happening to ajax has mostly answered his lingering questions. sure, he's still skeptical about it all, and a part of him still refuses to accept what's happened before, but he's less broody about it now. he still has questions, questions that are best posed to ajax, but that can wait when his sister returns.

he walks into ajax's bedroom in the teapot, frowning at his phone and raising it above his head. nope, the signal is still dead, looks like.

there's no reception in this place, is there? ]

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