i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[monoceroscaeli]

[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.

For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.

Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.

Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.

And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.

Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.

Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]

Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.

Comments

[traversal]

[ lumine's halfway through her paperwork when ajax finally returns, poring through the reports of the current losses and deficits of the company after the attack and the proposed contingency plan. it's help her a bit in clearing her head and settling her emotions, but that's always been the case with her since time immemorial. work is familiar, work is a routine. it's soothing to her, in a way that aether says is masochistic.

she doesn't even look up when he finally addresses her, her hand in the middle of signing the documents and sorting it out into different folders as her gaze moves across the pages. she only pauses to correct something on the paper before shuffling it into another folder. ]

It's in the backpack on the couch downstairs.

[ he can't miss it since it's the only thing sitting on the sofa. and she's made sure to leave it there, too, just in case he refuses to occupy the same room as her again. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[Work can definitely wait until tomorrow. Ajax knows he's not going to be able to get anything done today anyway, so he stands up, stretching his limbs a little. Really, after sitting down at the beach for so long, he wouldn't mind getting some exercise too.]

Thanks. I think I'll head out now to take him his things. My father may want to talk to me, and I want to hit the gym before I return. I might be a little late.

[So she definitely doesn't need to wait for him for dinner if she gets hungry. He's not going to want to cook by then anyhow.]

Do you want me to bring you back anything? I don't mind stopping somewhere if you're okay waiting.

[traversal]

[ that gets lumine to finally look up, her hand stopping in its movement of shuffling the papers around. there's a moment when she looks as if she's about to say something, her lips parting just a little before she presses them together to a thin line, keeping herself from pursuing such thoughts. easier to do, and there's no point anyway. ]

No, [ is all she says before she resumes her work, her gaze falling back down to her preoccupation. ] I'll be fine, thanks.

[ if she gets hungry—and that's a rather big "if" now that she's preoccupied with work—she can make her own food. and if she can't find something she wants to eat, there's no reason why she can't go out of the teapot and grab something to eat somewhere nearby. he doesn't need to bother, really.

the scratching of her pen fills in the silence for a few moments before lumine speaks up again. ]

Tell Aether to come back soon.

[monoceroscaeli]

I'll make sure to tell him.

[Ajax wonders how life has been for Aether, trying to go through all that code, dealing with his parents. At least they like Aether, so it's not as if he's an unwelcome presence in their household. He hopes his siblings have left him alone to work, there's no way Teucer and Anthon didn't try to get Aether to come play with them. And his mother being his...mother. At least he's getting a lot of home cooked, traditional Snezhnayan meals. A part of him is a bit jealous.

Leaving the room, he quickly packs a small gym bag for himself, heading downstairs to pick up the backpack on the couch and heading out of the teapot to his parent's. As he'd said, he returns late after dropping it off and working out, the drive and the exercise helping him to get his mind off of the events of the day.

But he needs a shower, slipping into the bathroom and taking one, the hot water relaxing him. He's just going to take a long shower for now...]

[traversal]

[ lumine's dozed off by the time he comes back, except she's passed out in the study, her head resting on her arms on the desk. there's a cup of coffee next to her and what looks like untouched toast on a plate, something that she's picked up downstairs from the kitchen but didn't really eat.

still, she's managed to finish all the work that aether's left behind and some more, returning to the apartment for a bit to send emails, download more files, and continue drowning herself in a routine that she's more familiar with. and this bit of shut-eye is going to help her power through the rest of her own work, the ones she's set aside to focus on the more urgent cases—or at least, that's what she believes despite falling asleep all too quickly.

she's exhausted, just exhausted from the past several days. and she doesn't want to do anything else but sleep.

lumine only stirs when she hears the door downstairs slide open, wondering if that's ajax or someone else, before she closes her eyes again, letting the embrace of slumber take her back. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[When his shower is finished, Ajax pads back upstairs to get some clothes out of the bedroom, slipping into some pajamas for the rest of the night. He heads into the study, noticing the light on and that he hadn't found Lumine in the house yet, finding her asleep at the desk. He smiles softly, crossing over to her to find the untouched toast and the cold coffee, wondering if he should try to wake her up to take her downstairs to bed.

Though if the past is any indication of how well that'll go, since she generally shoos him away when she wants to sleep, he chooses to go grab a spare blanket. Ajax returns quickly, putting the blanket over her and picking up the dishes. When she wakes up again, she can head downstairs at her leisure.

He exits, placing a kiss to the top of her head before he goes, to go down into the kitchen to take care of them. He's not tired, surprisingly, so he goes to sit down in bed and read a book. Hopefully it'll make him tired enough to sleep, but the adrenaline from working out is still pumping through him a little.]

[traversal]

[ it's not long before lumine stirs back to wakefulness, her neck and back starting to get sore from how she's slumped over the desk. not the first time, really, she's passed out on her desk over work, but first time or tenth, she's not exactly growing young every time she does it. it's also only then that she notices the blanket draped across her shoulders, keeping her warm in the cool evening air of the teapot.

lumine turns off her laptop, her desk a complete mess with all the paperwork and documents she's been working on strewn around, before she heads downstairs. sleep still lingers around her like perfume, and she yawns widely and rubs her eyes as she pads towards the bedroom. she doesn't even say anything to ajax, simply crawling onto her side of the bed and letting slumber take over her once more as she closes her eyes.

she can take a shower in the morning, have a proper meal in the morning, talk to him in the morning. for now, she just wants to sleep comfortably.

it's a few hours later when lumine's breathing has turned deep and even, the rise and fall of her shoulders natural, that she turns around to face him—or at least, the other lumine does. ]

Ajax, [ she calls to him softly, careful to wake him up but not her present counterpart. once more, she presses a hand against his cheek, brushing his hair back from his face. ] Ajax ...

[monoceroscaeli]

[Ajax only looks up from his book briefly to watch her enter, returning to it as she crawls into bed. He swears that she falls asleep soon after, continuing to read for another half an hour or so before he can feel his own eyelids becoming heavier. The light is switched off, book set onto the nightstand, and he sinks under the covers.

It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, his mouth hanging open as he snores lightly into the night. Ajax isn't sure how much time has passed, an echo of his name floating into his consciousness as she calls to him. He doesn't wake right away, murmuring incoherently in his sleep, her palm like a familiar, inviting warmth that beckons him to wakefulness in his mind.

His eyes slowly open after a moment, sleepily staring back into the amber of Lumine's, not recognizing that they've swapped places for the time being.]

Mmmmm...Lumine...

[Ajax nuzzles his head into her hand, before letting his head rest on the pillow once more, his eyes closing as he replies slowly.]

...What is it...

[traversal]

[ she waits until he slowly stirs, softly murmuring words that she doesn't understand. her thumb brushes along the curve of his cheek, coaxing him to wake up.

lumine realises that this is perhaps the worst way to go about with things. but lumine is her and she's lumine, and their stubbornness knows no bounds when they've dug their heels into the ground. her counterpart will not budge, she knows, and for good reason. it isn't as if she doesn't understand what the other girl is feeling, after all; she's still a part of her and she of her, so it makes sense, the choices the other lumine has made.

a small smile tugs at her lips when ajax starts to doze off again, and she leans in closer, pressing her forehead against his. ]

Is Childe awake? Let him know that I want to see him.

[monoceroscaeli]

[He wishes he could just fall asleep with her as she presses her head to his, but he's not allowed to sleep- Childe only laughs at Ajax as he lies there, happy and content, nudging him awake. His eyes open fully now, though still they are still lined with sleep, now finally putting two and two together. It was her counterpart, having taken control while she slept. His brain can barely comprehend that, staring back dumbly at her for a moment.]

Lumine...

[As he wakes up, his eyes widen. Oh, Lumine will be pissed if she finds out that she'd lost control of her body while she was asleep, and Ajax immediately closes his mouth to keep himself from being loud in case even a pin drop would ruin this.]

He is awake, [Ajax whispers, searching her face for any signs of his Lumine waking up.] One moment.

[He has no idea how much time this will allow the two of them to talk again, but he won't waste another moment of it. Ajax is finding the swap easier and easier every time he does it, his eyes only blinking once before she stares back into Childe's, eyes still looking hurt but the anger has dissipated from them.

The Harbinger couldn't care less if Lumine wakes, letting his hand snake to the back of her head as he presses his mouth to hers for a kiss, deep but brief, before breaking. Despite their argument earlier, it feels like a breath of fresh air to him.]

How surreptitious of you, comrade. It really is a pity that you never joined the Fatui.

[traversal]

[ the kiss catches her off-guard, but lumine doesn't try to break free from his grasp or pull away, allowing the harbinger draw her closer even for a moment. her fingers curl gently around the tips of his hair, only letting go when he finally breaks the kiss. but even she knows that that's not always a good sign, that he's probably simply frustrated and it's one of the ways he shows it to her.

understandable, she thinks, after their conversation today. ]

Never my calling, [ she huffs, shaking her head in exasperation. even now, a thousand years after, he's still at it with the fatui and her. ] Besides, it wasn't as if you liked how they operated.

[ in any case, this isn't the reason why she took over lumine's body and woke up childe. and while she's certain they have enough time, her counterpart exhausted beyond reason, she doesn't want to waste any second of it. her fingers once more brush against the line of his jaw, her eyes leveled against his. ]

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry ... [ she whispers to him as she rests her forehead against his. ] And that you've always mattered to me, even if you think you didn't.

[monoceroscaeli]

[The brush of her fingers against his jaw gets him to close his eyes, breathing out heavily as she rests against him. Childe accepts the apology, letting her words soak in, even though he knows this already. He knows he let his temper get the best of him earlier, and he knows that it probably ate her up inside to make the decision that she did.]

I know.

[He nuzzles his head against hers, breathing out heavily as he thinks back on it.]

I'm sorry for losing my temper earlier. I shouldn't of said what I said, back then.

[Childe lets his hand fall to her cheek, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone. His eyes open once more, pain still reminiscent in them, but an understanding accompanies it.]

[traversal]

[ it's not that easy, she thinks, alleviating the pain completely from his eyes. lumine supposes that it'll linger there for a while longer, as long as he's still reminded of what essentially was a betrayal, and she can't blame him for that. it'll be a miracle if he trusts her wholly after this. ]

No, [ she says quietly, lowering her gaze for a moment. ] You were hurt, so it's only natural for you to lash out ...

[ that was her fault, he doesn't need to apologise to her. if she could turn back time, she would, if only to correct that one mistake, if only to keep this pain from manifesting a thousand years after they've died. this isn't something he should be dealing with by now. ]

I'm sorry ...

[monoceroscaeli]

Lumine. There's no need to apologize anymore. Just listen to what I have to say.

[Childe stares deeply into her eyes, expression serious, as if he's speaking to the both of them, had Lumine had been awake for this. It's something he has to say, so he pauses to think on how to put this as succinctly as possible.]

I won't lecture you because I know you already know this. But for whatever grief you put yourself through when you made that decision, it could have been avoided had you made an inquiry with me about it. But...

[He looks down, sighing.]

...it didn't matter in the end, because it never came to pass. But please know, that excluding the one you love only serves to inflict unneeded hurt to them and yourself in the end. I know it serves no purpose to be told that now, but it's something I feel strongly about. You know I would never want to see you suffer unnecessarily.

[traversal]

[ lumine says nothing in response for a long moment, simply leaning in and tucking herself under his chin, her arms slipping around childe.

he's not entirely wrong that she already knows it, that she isn't totally unaware of what her choices entailed in the end. and while it's true that it never came to pass and discussing it now feels pointless, even more so after reuniting once again, she feels like there's a need to put it to rest anyway. perhaps they'll revisit the conversation again someday, but she has a feeling that's something ajax and lumine will have to discuss themselves.

her voice muffled against his chest: ] You know you would have never agreed if I told you about it ...

[ not that that's a valid reason not to tell him. but she's familiar with childe's temper, with the way he operates, with his own bouts of stubbornness. he would've never accepted such a proposition from her, even if she insists it's for his own benefit. ]

But mm, you're right ...

[monoceroscaeli]

[A long sigh comes out of his nose, pulling her in as she wraps her arms around him. He lets his chin rest on the top of her head, eyes closing as they hold each other in the dark, letting himself relax after all the tension that had been built up inside of him from the day.]

...And you're right. I would have never agreed to those terms. Even if you had left me behind, I simply would have found a way to follow you.

[Not that he has any idea currently on how he would go about doing that, but some of the gods lived through that ordeal. As far as he's concerned, they owed them one- the least they could do is help him find her, had that ended up happening.

Childe kisses the top of her head before resting against it once more, staring off into the darkness now, thinking.]

She was wrong, you know.

[His voice sounds distant, recalling the argument from earlier between himself and her modern counterpart.]

There wouldn't of been a day that went by that I wouldn't think of you.

[traversal]

[ how reckless.

and yet, lumine also very much sees it as childe-like: to defy her, to defy all odds just to get what he wants. so much so that the possibility of suffering, of dying doesn't even faze him. she supposes that it was her mistake to think that he'd allow her to keep him safe and secure on teyvat where he would be happier without her.

at his remark, she shifts, letting her fingers card into his hair, soothing any lingering feelings of dismay and hurt. his exchange earlier with her counterpart would've certainly cut deeper than what he would outwardly show. and a part of her regrets letting him leave like that. ]

I know, [ she whispers softly against him, pressing kisses to his skin. ] I'm sorry.

[ lumine is still young and lived a life that's much different from them. not to mention they're forcing her to deal with this, with a problem that they should've taken care of a thousand years ago. she understands why her counterpart would lash out and keep her defences up against them. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[Childe has always enjoyed how she runs her fingers through his hair, letting his mind give way to the calmness it's always provided him. For a man who always is thinking of the next challenge ahead of him, it provides a rare moment of peace, one that he's more than willing to indulge in after the last half a day. He knows that she never meant to hurt him, the last of his anger and despair draining out from him as if her hand was sweeping it out of him, leaving only the warmth of her love and care in its place.]

No more apologizing, now.

[Shifting backward, he gives himself enough room to kiss her again, pulling her in for something less heated and more loving. Long, languid brushes against her lips, gently coaxing her to let herself get lost in it, for what he thinks might be the last time for a while. And he too, lets his mind cloud with nothing but thoughts of her, taking himself away from any thoughts that would otherwise ruin this moment.

When he breaks, Childe gazes down at her softly, his smile reflective of the kiss they'd just shared.]

I love you, Lumine. Now, and in every life we'll live.

[traversal]

[ last time in a while may just be the understatement of the year, knowing lumine's temper. if she completely had her way, childe would never lay eyes on her ever again. but as it stands, she can sense some kind of empathy from the younger girl, buried beneath her dismay.

lumine's eyes flutter close as she gives into childe's unspoken request, letting their feelings speak for themselves. it's nothing heated or fervent, nothing desperate; they have nothing to chase after anymore. instead, the kisses they share are just affirmations of their love from a thousand years ago, unchanging and unwavering.

she nuzzles his cheek when he pulls away, a faint smile tugging at her lips at his words. ]

You'll have to love the girl who's been calling you an idiot behind your back. Ajax has his work cut out for him.

[ it's very impressive how he's managed to deal with the other lumine without losing his temper. she supposes that a thousand years has mellowed him down quite a bit. ]

Though I guess you're used to it by now?

[monoceroscaeli]

I lost count long ago with how many times you've called me an idiot.

[It's not that their lives didn't go without arguments, more than used to Lumine yelling at him for something or the other. He was a wild, nearly unchecked force in the world, and she was sometimes there for the crazy things he did, when he wasn't away for work. Though, it never drove them apart, and Childe knew that this is just the nature of relationships anyway- you're never going to have it be sunshine and rainbows all the time.

Shifting again, he props his head up on his hand, considering something for a moment. She makes a good point, and where he doesn't hate her modern counterpart, he's not entirely happy with the idea of having to talk to her again. But he's going to have to, isn't he?]

Do you think I should talk to her? Perhaps later, once her temper has died down a bit. [His eyes shift to the side, to indicate his next words are not being spoken to Lumine, but to Ajax.] And what do you think? You're the one who's dealt with her the most.

[traversal]

You don't have to if you don't want to.

[ lumine doesn't need to read his mind to know that childe's very much averted to speaking with her present counterpart, especially after the altercation earlier today. she can't blame him and she doesn't want him to force himself either; it'll only start unnecessary conflict and hurt between them. ]

Anyway, she may deny it, but she cares deeply about Ajax.

[ she doesn't hesitate to say it, not when she knows it herself. she can sense it, even if lumine tries to push it further and further down, pretending those feelings are nonexistent. except she's pretty sure that ajax too knows better.

lumine leans in to kiss the corner of childe's mouth. ]

Let him speak to her about it. It's something they have to deal with together without our intervention.

[monoceroscaeli]

[The Harbinger sits there and considers it, with Ajax inputting his opinion too- and Childe nods. He understands both their arguments here, and he trusts both of them, so it's only natural that he goes along with it.]

It seems that you and Ajax are of the same mind. He also recommended he speak with her. I suppose it's settled then.

[This works for him, especially since he can't imagine him speaking with her would go over well...but he's still glad for the advice, nonetheless. Childe grins widely back at Lumine, laughing quietly. He's not about to let that other comment slide, and neither is Ajax. Childe blinks once, and his eyes change, to the man who's a bit calmer and a little less wild than himself.]

Thanks for reaffirming what I suspected of her. I always thought that she cared far more than she was letting on. Hopefully I'll be able to work things out between them.

[Another blink, and Ajax is already gone, with Childe's chaotic eyes shining back at her. It's becoming almost seamless for them to switch now.]

Are you impressed? We work pretty well together now, I'd say.

[traversal]

[ lumine's not too surprised if she were to be asked, smiling as she watches the shift from childe to ajax and then back to childe. there's a fine line between their similarities, so much so that ajax had easily embraced it rather than reject it. she supposes it helped as well, ajax's quite unique upbringing.

but there's a part of her that also shares her counterpart's feelings on the matter, aware of how selfish that is on her end. she presses a hand against childe's cheek when he returns, thumb brushing along the curve. ]

Very, [ she whispers, pulling him closer and pressing her lips against his. ] But let me have a bit more time with you before you two become one, mm?

[ the imploration remains unspoken, but she hopes it comes across through her kiss. gentle and sweet, lingering as if she doesn't wish for it to end. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

[He can feel his eyelids flutter down to half closed as she takes his cheek, letting her pull him in as her lips grace his briefly. Though, there's a certain melancholy to all of this that he can't deny. The second kiss seems to confirm this, and he kisses her back with a soft slowness that makes his heart ache.

It's all too clear to him that soon, they'll be one, and this will never come to pass ever again. He would be Ajax, and his memory would live on with his spirit. But Childe would be no more, and the same fate waits for her as well. It's bittersweet, to think of it that way. But at least they'd still have each other, even if the memory of a thousand years ago isn't the one living in the present.

That they even have this opportunity now is incredible all in itself. He won't waste it.

So he kisses her even more deeply, conveying that thought, that emotion- and how much he'll love and miss her in the days to come. Ajax can only sit back and let those same feelings wash over him, wishing it didn't have to be this way. But there isn't anything he can do than let them have this tender moment together, before they were finally wiped from this world.

He hates to think of it like that. He'd much rather see it as Childe simply living on through him, and Lumine doing the same. Childe doesn't seem to be afraid of this, but he wonders how Lumine feels about the process. Is she scared? Sad? Has she accepted this, perhaps despite that? He can only wonder, as the two of them indulge in each other.

He hopes he can talk Lumine into letting her ancient counterpart out more often, or even be more accepting of them, before they meld into their consciousness completely. Isn't it the least they can do for them?

Childe kisses her for as long as he can, savoring her warmth and presence, only breaking to rest. He doesn't want her to go. And yet, these aren't really their bodies to have. Just ones they reside in temporarily as a separate person.]

Haha, you know, you really are the best thing that ever happened to me, comrade. I hope you're excited to share another lifetime with me.

[He's got complete confidence in Ajax, and it shows. After all, he is him.]

[traversal]

[ time seems to stop for the both of them as they share kisses, holding each other, savouring each and every moment they're allowed to be together. and yet, lumine knows that this can't continue forever, and it won't be long before the night ends and they have to part ways again and rely on their counterparts. allow them to live their own lives while they watch on the side, pining and hoping.

and as terrifying as it may seem to most, to seemingly fade and lose each other, they still have this opportunity. to live another lifetime together, to have another chance at life. ]

Do I have a choice? [ she teases him with a quiet laugh, pressing her forehead against his, taking in every single line, curve, crease on his face as if committing it to memory.

if they had survived a thousand years ago after the war, would she have had another moment like this with him, she wonders? if they had both lived, if her plan with her brother had come to pass and they left teyvat ... ]

Thank you for finding and staying with Lumine, Ajax. I wouldn't have met Childe again if you didn't.