i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[monoceroscaeli]

[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.

For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.

Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.

Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.

And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.

Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.

Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]

Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.

Comments

[monoceroscaeli]

You called me a baby while giving me that flat look. I wasn't born yesterday.

[He's not buying that innocent look for a second. He knows her better than that.]

Now, you wouldn't like it if I called you a bolʹshoy pridurok, would you? Even if it's true?

[Ajax shoots her a questioning look, letting her just wonder what on earth that might mean. Finishing off his pancakes, he stands to rinse his plate off, bringing her a bottle of water to drink out of the fridge as he places a kiss to the side of her head.]

But I think for now I'll just call you lyubov moya, I think it's cute for you.

[traversal]

[ does he think she can't ask aether about what it means? please, her brother stayed in snezhnaya for as long as she stayed in liyue. the guy most likely knows what he's been calling her right now. she can tell it's unpleasant, even more than calling him a baby.

lumine swerves and moves her head away when he tries to kiss her, raising a hand to push him away while her other hand stuffs the last pancake in her mouth. ]

I prefer that you call me Lumine, [ her tone is edged just as she gets up and out of her seat, walking past him to the sink. ] Mr. Volkov.

[monoceroscaeli]

[Ajax only laughs as he turns around to start washing dishes and take care of the kitchen, waving a hand at her as he leaves her side.]

You're the one who started all this, lyubov moya, and now you've earned yourself a cute Snezhnayan nickname in the process. Don't worry, it's nothing bad.

[He only smiles happily as he begins, thankful that it didn't take much to make breakfast this morning. There isn't much to wash.]

I hope you enjoyed your breakfast. I'll make you something new tomorrow, haha.

[traversal]

[ nothing bad, he says. because it's never "nothing bad" when it comes to him and his schemes. lumine rolls her eyes, lifting a hand to wave dismissively in the air, looking forward to finally being able to drown herself in work. ]

Sure, Jaxxie. If you say so.

[ if he's not going to drop that nickname, whatever it means, then she doesn't see any reason why she should.

she leaves the teapot for the apartment, returning after an hour or two with the files she's managed to download and heading into the study; they really need to figure out how to get a signal or connection going in the teapot. aether's sent her a message as well, something about needing to stay at the volkovs for longer than he's expected. looks like things aren't really going well.

lumine pads across the house in search of ajax, pausing outside whatever room he's in and popping her head in. ]

Aether might need you to bring more clothes for him.

[monoceroscaeli]

[He sighs and rolls his eyes at the nickname, but it's not as if there's anything he can really do to stop her from using it. If only his mother weren't hellbent on embarrassing him, though there's nothing he can do now. All he can do is concentrate on finishing the dishes, quickly cleaning them so he can get to his own work. Even if he has to hide in a pocket dimension from their enemies, he still has to do the work for the company, at the very least.

Thankfully for now, any dealings that would involve his crime family could be taken care of by his father, sister and brother. Though who knows when they'll finally get out of this mess.

Lumine finds him upstairs in the study, working on his laptop, working through reports and other spreadsheets. It's not fun work, but it needs to be done, and he's thankful he can do it offline. Turning at the sound of her voice, he looks up at her to nod.]

Sounds like things aren't going so well, are they.

[He can't imagine Aether would want to stay if he didn't have to. As much as he's sure his mother is spoiling him and all...]

I'll take him some more clothes today. I need to head up to the apartment to send these reports off anyway, I'll leave right after that. But...

[He pauses, unsure if he should ask her this.]

There's something I've got to ask you. It's about what you told me the other day, at my parent's house.

[traversal]

He sounded very frustrated.

[ sure, it was a text message, but she knows aether better than anyone. she knows how his messages sound like when he's stumped over something or when things aren't going his way. and it seems like this is one of those situations that he can't get out of easily. lumine honestly feels bad for him, but she knows that her brother isn't going to give up too quickly either. ]

I'll go and pack for him.

[ but even before she can turn to go, his remark gets her to pause, rooting her on the spot. lumine shifts her weight from one foot to another, chewing the inside of her cheek. she supposes there's no better time to talk about it.

there's only one thing that she's told about him last time while they were at his home, and it has nothing to do with his nicknames or the pictures she's seen. ]

I'm not ... the best person to ask about it.

[monoceroscaeli]

I know, [he says slowly, if not with a hint of guilt to it. What he's going to ask isn't something that he wants to ask, but for all the emotions still flowing through him, even though they're far more subdued than they were a few days ago, he wants some resolution- if not for him, then Childe.]

I'd just like to start by saying that you can say no. I don't want you to feel as if you're being forced into this.

[Ajax's words are sincere, painfully so, because he knows how much this bothers her. And if she says no, he'll respect that, and he'll make Childe respect it too.]

But, if you'll allow...I'd like to ask her about it, instead.

[traversal]

[ lumine says nothing for one long moment, clearly conflicted even as she averts her gaze from ajax. but she can feel the gentle nudge from her counterpart at the back of her mind, and all she can do is sigh heavily. ever since that day when she easily took over her body, lumine's found her slowly affecting many of her thoughts.

her actions, her opinions. it's disconcerting and very unsettling, and she really wants it to stop. but it's obvious that there's just no way to keep the dam from overflowing once it's full. ]

She doesn't want to speak to you, though.

[ those are the last words lumine speaks before she closes her eyes, opening them a few moments later. her gaze lands on him, irises brighter. almost golden. ]

Childe can ask me those questions instead, Ajax.

[monoceroscaeli]

[He'll have to thank Lumine later for letting this happen. Ajax blinks a few times at the noticeable change in her eyes, wondering if something similar happens when Childe takes over temporarily. But can they look more dead than they do now?

He shakes that thought off, giving her a small smile in return, first.]

He's still a little upset, but he's had a few days to work through it. But hey.

[He wanted to tell her before, but he passed out when the building exploded. By the time he woke up, he'd missed his chance.]

Before I let him come out, I just wanted to say thank you from before. I'd of been a goner if you hadn't freed me from that god.

[traversal]

Well, it's not the first time he's gotten upset at me ...

[ but lumine knows this is very different from those instances. childe's anger is always quick to ignite but slow to burn away, the embers remaining hot and incensed hours or days or weeks after. who knows what it'll take to completely douse the fire she's created?

at his words, however, she returns his smile with one of her own. ]

I've experienced the pain of losing someone I love a long time ago, [ she says quietly, moving towards ajax and pressing a hand against his cheek. ] It's something I don't wish for Lumine to experience for herself.

[monoceroscaeli]

[Then why would you ever think to leave him behind, he thinks, Ajax's eyes lowering as her hand presses to his cheek. It's not even his sorrow to feel, and yet, it still wells inside of him. Death is different than these circumstances, but he can still empathize with his Harbinger counterpart, the man who is very much him and yet not him all at the same time.]

Lumine, can you answer at least one question, then?

[He looks up, not knowing if he wants to hear the answer. But maybe, she'll surprise him.]

If you could go back and change your mind about this, and take him with you, had you lived of course, would you?

[traversal]

[ her smile fades at the corners, the answer he's waiting for lodged at the back of her throat. it's so easy, so simple to say yes, to alleviate and put to rest those feelings of unease. but that wouldn't be the complete and honest truth if she told him that, and she's certain ajax would continue to hurt in the long run. ]

If it were that easy, why wouldn't I?

[ because why wouldn't she, if she were given that option or choice? it isn't as if she hasn't considered it. she's even spoken about it with aether before they've gone off to fight the gods; her own twin brother knew what she had wanted to do, but he also knew better.

lumine shakes her head, letting out a quiet exhale and allowing her hand to drop from his cheek back to her side. ]

Childe, isn't it time for you to talk to me?

[monoceroscaeli]

[It's obvious that there's more going on than just a decision she made, wondering if the sudden bubbling frustration that rises inside of him is valid. He can hazard a guess or two as to what went into the decision, and he wonders if Childe's anger and sadness are aimed in the wrong direction. But he supposes they'll both find out in a matter of minutes, the Harbinger brushing at the side of his mind to let him speak.]

Haha, [Ajax laughs, noting how Lumine seems to want to get this conversation started,] I've been holding him back the entire time. You know, it's not very fair to me that no one's asked me if I'm okay with this.

[He sets his arms akimbo, not seemingly ruffled by it anyhow. Look at these two, they're the ones taking advantage of him now, aren't they. But far be it from him to get in the middle of a possible lover's spat if that's what this turns out to be.

Ajax's eyes close, his body relaxing as he makes the switch, before they open once more. Hurt, confusion, and anger- all these are seen in Childe's eyes, though their intensity is far less than it had been a few days prior. He stays quiet for a few moments, before finally speaking.]

...Was I really to be left behind, after all was said and done?

[traversal]

[ lumine just chuckles and wait for ajax to switch out. her counterpart can deal with that later, as she's certain that she's not too happy either by this swap in consciousness. even if it's rather important for her—for them.

she gives childe a moment, peering at his expression, his emotions unmistakable. and a part of her feels guilty to have him go through this right now, after all this time. still, lumine doesn't reach out to touch him, knows that he'll just pull away until he's gotten the answers he needs to hear. ]

I was going to talk to you about it once everything was over.

[ it's just that they didn't get a chance to, not with the kind of fate they were all handed with. it's not his fault that he learned it this way. ]

But now that I think about it, perhaps I should've talked to you about it even sooner.

[monoceroscaeli]

[Childe's eyes search her own as she speaks, but for what, he doesn't know. If she's being sincere, if she's telling him the truth, or if she's holding something back. He can feel the fire behind his own gaze, where usually he might be unreadable. But Childe feels no reason to hide exactly what he's feeling at the moment.]

It sounds to me like I was never going to have a choice or say in the matter anyway.

[Even saying those words burn him, and he almost regrets even wanting to speak with her now about it. But he does want an explanation, either way- and he waits patiently to let her do so.

[traversal]

[ what answer is she supposed to give him? what answer is he looking for from her? lumine's pretty sure that anything she tells him is simply going to sound like an excuse, but it isn't as if they're lies to deceive him. ]

What would you have me do? Teyvat is your home. Your family is here, your parents, your siblings ...

[ she can't imagine being apart from aether; what more him from the family who's always been his number one priority since meeting him in liyue? ]

Am I supposed to take you away from them? Are you telling me to force you to make that choice, to choose between me or them?

[monoceroscaeli]

This is why you should have spoken to me long before making a decision without me.

[It's not that he doesn't understand, nor does he find her logic unreasonable. But his priorities lie in a certain order, and he will gladly lay them out again.]

To be able to travel to distant worlds, to fight new, towering opponents, and to experience it all with you...it would have been a dream come true.

[Childe sighs happily at the very idea, already able to imagine himself battling some kind of impossibly strong creature or person and having the time of his life. What a missed opportunity, if you ask him.]

I would be sad to leave them, that much is true. But my whole life was spent away from them for a good amount of time already, seeking another thrilling challenge while also serving the Tsaritsa, always testing my limits. That is, after all, why I stayed with the Fatui- to gain more experience and opportunities for combat. My family would want me to live out my dreams, and I was willing to chase them.

[He looks back at her earnestly, the corners of his eyes dropping, sadness filling them.]

It never would have been a forced choice. I wanted to go.

[traversal]

[ i wanted to go.

he says that right now but how long would it take until he starts regretting his decisions? how long until he starts cursing their fate? how long until he asks her to return to teyvat? eventually, the weariness will set in, the desire to settle somewhere, to seek normalcy and a life that's stable and ordinary. wasn't that why she and aether sought to find a new home, only to find it unwelcoming of them? ]

Wasn't it your dream, too, to have and build a family of your own? To have a wife and children, just like the way your parents had you and your brothers and sisters?

[ her hands close into fists, nails digging into her palms. lumine almost misses her gloves; nails don't cut through fabric so easily. ]

... That's something I can't give you. And that would also be a missed opportunity in itself if I let you leave Teyvat.

[monoceroscaeli]

Don't you remember what I said?

[It was a long time ago. Childe hardly blames her for forgetting, if anything it may of seemed like a passing statement said by a younger man with wild ideas and goals in his head. But to him, that hasn't changed, and the prospect of greater and stronger enemies still drove his thirst for battle.

That won't ever go away, even if he settles down and has kids. He'll forever seek out stronger and stronger enemies until the day he dies.]

The end to my battles is only a mirage. "I was born to fight, and as long as I draw breath, there will be no end to my purpose." It went something like that, didn't it?

[He only smirks, knowing exactly what he'd said back then, and he still believes it.]

So even if you thought that was something you couldn't give me, it wouldn't of mattered in the end. The one thing I would have wanted is something I was already getting.

[traversal]

[ lumine lowers her gaze to the floor, closing her eyes. sometimes she wonders how she's ever won any arguments with him with the reasonings she throws back her way. but her tactic of shutting him down isn't going to work in this situation; it will only aggravate him and the situation further, and it's already clear that he's holding back whatever he truly wants to tell her.

she sighs under her breath, fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. again, the act would aggravate him and the situation further. ]

I love you, Childe. I really, really do, but sometimes ...

[ sometimes she just wants to tear her hair out and sit in a corner and stew in her feelings all day. but that can't happen right now; it can't ever happen. ]

I want to give everything to you. I want you to have the world, but you just ... [ lumine takes another deep breath, a sigh following in its wake. ] You're just so frustrating.

[monoceroscaeli]

I'm frustrating?

[He doesn't see how she's the one who gets to be frustrated here, when it was him that was getting the short end of the stick and he hadn't even known it. On top of it, there's still more answers he wants, and he'll hardly let her sink back into the subconsciousness of the current Lumine before he asks the questions that he wants.]

I'm the one who should be frustrated here. So now that I've finally gotten say my piece, it's my turn to ask you a few questions.

[He sets his arms akimbo, jaw set.]

Was there any other reason why you two were going to leave me behind? Perhaps, because, a certain brother would have preferred I wasn't around?

[As if he was unaware that Aether didn't like him with his sister. To Childe, that didn't matter- he could say a few things about him making an enemy of humanity for the selfish reason of trying to revive his kingdom. But he'll bite his tongue on that for now. It's not exactly relevant, even if the Harbinger distrusted him immensely because of it.]

[traversal]

[ lumine rolls her eyes, unable to hold herself back.

of course, he'd quickly jump to conclusion that her brother had a hand in it; it isn't as if she's unaware, either, that the both of them never got along. sure, they were civil with each other and tolerated one another, but she's not a blind idiot that she couldn't tell that there was clear tension between them both. a ticking time bomb, like what diluc had once told her. ]

Why are we even talking about Aether? He had no hand in the idea of leaving you behind.

[ not at all, though he was the one who raised the question during the conversation, who asked her what she's to do with the harbinger, who gave her the ultimate choice and decision. ]

[monoceroscaeli]

That's what I wanted to know.

[Then he has no reason to be angry about that, wanting only to know if Aether had pushed her in that direction. If not, then there's no reason for his temper to rise, as he takes a breath to calm himself.]

Now, why was it that you didn't consult me in the first place? Was my opinion not wanted, or did you truly think you knew what was best for me over myself, making decisions on my behalf?

[That's another thing he doesn't appreciate. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions, and he doesn't want anyone else deciding for him what he can and can't do. Not in a case like this.]

[traversal]

[ there's a long pause on her end, her expression hardening as she averts her gaze away from childe and closes her eyes. now, this—this answer will certainly upset him; there's no doubt about it, especially with the reason she's given him. childe's never one to accept something that completely goes against his wishes, especially when it's forced against his will. ]

That's because there's no need for any consultations.

[ because what does he know about traveling through worlds? what does he know about the kind of things they have to deal with, they have to adjust to? the kind of danger they always put themselves in. ]

In the end, it would still be up to me and Aether.

[monoceroscaeli]

[She's absolutely right in that assumption, that does make his temper spike and anger flashes across his features. It's a slap to the face, after all they'd been through together, to be told that. He only nods his head, standing up from the chair as he moves toward the doorway.]

So, it turns out, I never mattered to begin with, I see.

[That's what he's getting out of that answer. Childe doesn't even bother to look at her as he leaves the room, exiting and going downstairs to find a pair of sandals to go outside. Ajax tries to offer some kind of consolance, but the Harbinger needs some time to take a walk, keeping control of his body for now. He heads out towards the beach, to sit at the water's edge for a while, staring out at the conjured ocean of the tea pot.]