insurmountable | i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

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i'm dragging a heart that weighs a ton / holding out for not just anyone

[Fontaine: The technological hub of Teyvat.

For as long as anyone can remember, the country of Fontaine has always been the innovative center for the continent. High speed rail was originated here, and now spans across the entirety of Teyvat and beyond. High rises and skyscrapers pepper the skyline, modern Victorian buildings supporting a gear-like aesthetic from an era gone by. A thousand years ago, it was a much different place, but now it thrives with the bright lights and bustle of its people. One can hear the occasional street performer playing for cash, as businessmen and tourists alike walk down narrow cobblestone streets. People are buried in their phones, some take pictures as they gawk at the sights of the city, but one young man in particular walks languidly down the street, enjoying the life around him. He's in no hurry to get where he's going, as he has plenty of time to get there, noting a deli across the street from where he is now that he'll have to try.

Unfortunately, he is on business, so that'll have to wait.

Never being one to be dressed completely formal, he wears a comfortable pair of slacks and dress shoes, with a collared shirt that isn't buttoned up all the way under a grey vest. Various pieces of metal are woven into the vest, notably a crest on his right shoulder with a chain attached to it that hangs under his arm to the back. On his belt lies a Vision, glowing blue with hydro. The young man always seems friendly and easy going, but what lies underneath is something that not many are allowed to know- the heir to the family business of a company who develops tech for various products is also the right hand man of the mafia that runs the city.

And, their true business behind the scenes; creating Delusions to sell on the black market.

Today is a day where some investigating has to be done, and he's headed to see an old friend of his, from university. One that he's sure can help him with this problem he has. Entering the building, he swings in quietly to give a polite wave and a smile to the only person there.

Someone who looked exactly like their brother, whom he can only assume is the twin sister he'd yet to meet that he'd heard about.]

Hello, I was wondering if Aether was in today? I had a...business proposal for him, and I'm sure that he'd love to hear it. Unless of course, you might be of assistance instead.

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[ lumine stops at that question, looking up at him with an expression of surprise on her face. is that what she wanted from him, to quit his family's line of work and do something else? ]

Not really, [ she says after a beat, shrugging her shoulders. ] You can do whatever you want.

[ take up gardening, become a farmer, continue with his work in his family—lumine doesn't think it's her call or her place to make do something. at the end of the day, if he wants to stay doing what he does in the volkov family, despite their current relationship in bed, it isn't as if she can stop him nor make any demands about his life.

she sidesteps him after getting off the bed and starts for the door, wondering what he's made for lunch. ]

We should go. I'm getting hungry.

Alright.

[He turns to watch her as she makes her way to the door and subsequently out of the room. But despite her nonchalant answer, he can feel the wall she's put up between them with it, making his lips quirk up into a determined smile. Ajax follows her out of the room towards the kitchen, swinging inside to go to the fridge to take out everything he'd prepped before going in to wake her up.

Containers of chopped up fresh vegetables get set out on the table, and he takes a larger container filled with seasoned chicken that he'd cooked and cubed earlier to put in the middle of it all. He also grabs some spinach and sun-dried tomato wraps out of the pantry, setting them down with everything else.]

It's nothing special, I didn't know when exactly you'd get out of bed so I made sure to make something that could be eaten at any time. I figured some wraps would make for a good lunch. There's some dressings and sauces in the fridge as well, if you'd like.

[He grabs a few plates for them too, and a bowl for himself.]

I hope you'll like it.

[ lumine ducks under his arm while he's opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water, suddenly feeling exhaustion settling in her bones. she's not going to lie, there's a part of her that simply wants to fall back down in bed and sleep all day. but at the same time, she's also hungry. ]

When you're tired and hungry, everything tastes good.

[ she settles on one of the chairs across the dining table, pulling up her feet and tucking her knees under her dress as she drinks from the bottle.

once he's set down her plate, lumine starts helping herself out with the vegetables and chicken. ]

Did Aether eat before he left earlier?

Hm...

[Ajax goes to reheat the chicken in the bowl he'd procured, letting that warm as he begins to assemble his own wrap. He puts everything on that he'd cut up, including adding some shredded cheese he'd grated that morning.]

I don't believe so. He looked like he'd worked all through the night. Honestly, I don't know how he's still standing up.

[The chicken is taken out, added to his wrap, after he's grabbed himself a bottle of water for himself and scooting into the table.]

Anyway, Lumine...there was something I wanted to talk to you about.

[Something he feels like they've been avoiding for some time now, and it's been on his mind, especially after that small exchange in the bedroom. He takes a bite from his wrap first, chewing thoughtfully on how he wants to phrase this, because there's no doubt in his mind that this is still a sensitive subject.]

It's...a little personal. But I think we should address it.

[ lumine's busy assembling her own food, deciding that she'll do a salad instead and getting up to get the dressing from the fridge and a fork from the drawers, that she doesn't think too much of ajax's remark near the end. plus her thoughts linger more on aether, wondering if her brother at least had a few hours of sleep or a bite to eat. for someone who berates her for her all-nighters, he's not exactly different.

she'll have to force him to go to bed when he gets back. but she's also pretty sure that he'll be tuckered out by the time he returns that he won't need too much convincing. ]

Hm?

[ she sits back down, pouring the dressing on her greens and chicken, only looking up at ajax once she's done. ]

What is it? You suddenly sound so serious.

[Putting his food down, he realizes how he must sound, given her reaction. He smiles softly back at her, letting his head prop up against a loose fist. Ajax looks down at the table, taking a breath- but he figures he should just be straightforward with her about it. It's always been something they've been confused about, and with good reason.

And he really doesn't want to dance around it anymore.]

Listen, I know our lighthearted exchanges about the possibilities of my future profession weren't really meant to mean anything, and I know you feel as if you don't think you should have a say in anything I do, but...

[Ajax looks directly at her, eyes questioning, almost hopeful.]

...what if I told you I want your opinion to matter in matters such as that? That perhaps your opinion should matter.

[ that gets her to pause. whatever she's doing, whatever she's thinking about all grinds to a halt as she slowly looks up at him from her plate. realisation is clearly written on her face, her lips pressed together as if this is a conversation that she's never expected to be raised or mentioned or thought of at all. it's the elephant in the room, she knows, but she's always thought that it's an unspoken agreement between the both of them to never address it.

... lumine thought wrong, that much is obvious. and for a long moment, she has nothing to say, speechless and hesitant to say anything. saying it's personal is an understatement. ]

Then ... [ she starts slowly, her eyes averting from his, pushing her food around the plate. ] I'd tell you that you should probably reconsider what you want because you might be making a mistake that you'd regret in the long run.

[ for one thing, this is his life they're talking about; who is she to make any decisions about it, to try and have an opinion in what he should pursue? for another, their circumstances are too abnormal. ]

Really? Because I don't see any mistake here.

[In his eyes, that's only fair to her, if she would ever choose him. He's not blind, he knows how she cares for him despite their differences and squabbles in the past. He continues to look at her, even as she diverts her gaze from him, curious as to what her answers would be.]

The only regret I would have is to let this all pass me by as if it were a surreal dream we'd shared together. I'm not asking you to agree to any commitments, I'm just curious as to what you think of us. Because I don't think you and I have any simple relationship, wouldn't you agree?

[Ajax is sure he's made his position very clear on the matter. He'd ask her to be with him right now if he thought she'd say yes, but he's positive that there's still a long road ahead of them in terms of that. He doesn't even know if either of them will survive this ordeal against the gods, but he'll be damned if he doesn't at least talk with her about it before that happens, if it does.]

[ but maybe that's for the best, to simply think of this as a wonderful, surreal dream because they both don't know what will happen in the future. they have no idea was fate awaits them, if they're destined to follow the path of their counterparts in terms of their lifespan. even if they're supposedly two separate entities, childe said it himself: he's ajax and ajax is him.

do they have a simple relationship?not at all. whatever they have between them is complex and complicated, something that she doesn't even know how to define. something she doesn't even know if she'd want to define. ]

No, I suppose not, [ lumine says with a sigh, looking down at her plate. she should probably eat, but like before, she can feel her appetite fads. ] And I can tell what you're trying to say.

[ even if he's avoiding it in so many words, and for good reason, she can tell. ]

But it probably feels like a surreal dream because it is one. Because it's not meant to last once this is all over ...

[He understands the sentiment, but at the same time he knows that it's not what she says it is. A surreal dream ends and has no effect, this has certainly impacted their lives forever, and Ajax is well aware of this.

Could he ever go back to a normal life after this? He's not sure.]

And yet, our lives and our very beings have been invariably changed because of it. When we win this, we may be able to have a semblance of normal again, but there's no doubt this will leave an everlasting impression on us.

[Ajax readjusts himself in his seat, reality setting in as he finishes his sentence. Even now, he doesn't know what he'll do once it's all over. Going back to being the one to inherit the company, and to take over for his father once he passes, it seems so...insignificant.]

Sometimes, I almost think that I was supposed to meet you at your office that day. To think, if Aether hadn't been out, we may have never met. And, well, I don't have an ounce of regret about that.

[ if they didn't meet that day, she wonders how different their lives would be right now. would they be in danger? would the gods realise their existence? would they be living in hiding, in fear of their own lives one close encounter after another? ]

That was just a coincidence ... [ she says with a shake of her head. ] If you'd arrived a few hours earlier, you would've seen Aether instead of me.

[ a bit later, and he wouldn't have met either of them. things just happened as they are. after all, he's technically already known her, and the fact that nothing's happened despite that until then is proof. ]

I wouldn't think too much of it.

Even so...

[When he thinks on it, this might of been worse had they not met. Then, they wouldn't of been together to look out for each other, and it would have been easy once they discovered Lumine and Aether's existence to get rid of them. Ajax still wonders how they were found, but it could be something as simple as finding him through the underground network- it's not as if he isn't known there.]

You were still the one I met that day. Plus you were the one to hand off that USB stick to me, when we had our first vision together. And again at Wangshuu Inn. And, well, the rest is history.

[He states it simply, not caring really if it were a coincidence or not. The fact of the matter is that he's here now with her, and their lives have become intertwined for as far as he can see.]

Anyway, we could reminisce all day if we chose to, but that's not the point of why I brought this up to begin with. I understand your unease about what we are to each other, but there's no doubt in my mind that I care for you, and I think you care for me, too.

[ again, all coincidences. and if she were to go with the saying, then it's already a pattern, one that's very suspicious if lumine were to try to look deeply into it. but as it stands, she refuses to accept it's nothing more than despite ajax thinking otherwise. after all, everyone has those moments with another person.

still, there's just no changing his mind in this, even if there's no evidence to support his argument, and lumine isn't really in the mood to continue to debate about it. ]

What exactly are you trying to say, Ajax?

[ she stabs a cherry tomato from her plate a little too aggressively, her fork squishing the poor vegetable. a sigh later, she lets up. ]

Hahaha, right to the point, then.

[He happily takes a bite out of his wrap now, chewing thoughtfully on it. Goodness, that poor little tomato. What did it do to her?]

I think we belong together.

[Ajax speaks earnestly, with confidence- because everything leading up to this point, it feels almost as if all they've done is avoid putting titles or labels on what they were. He at least, is sure that what he feels is his own feelings for her, and maybe it's time to stop pretending like it isn't there.]

And I want to know what you think about that. So what do you say?

[ lumine can't sigh heavily nor roll her eyes hard enough at the risk of losing oxygen or her eyeballs falling out.

truth be told, there's a part of her that expected this turn in the conversation, realising her mistake of asking him outright. and then, there's another part of her that somehow hoped he wouldn't be too shameless in saying this out loud. and despite lumine's heart skipping a beat for a split second, her exasperation reigned over in the end. ]

I think you're rushing through this without thinking.

[ she looks up from her plate at him, her expression a mix of disbelief and chagrin. it isn't that she doesn't get what he's saying, but: ]

Especially when you're starting to merge with Childe.

Mmmmm, I have considered the pros and cons of this. All of which have to do with Celestia hunting us.

[And not anything else, really. Because to him, their counterparts won't hinder this at all. If anything, the more he merges, the more strongly he feels for her. And.

She hasn't said once that she didn't care about him, did she?]

But I don't see how my slow merger with him makes a difference. Are you trying to say that you still believe that my feelings may not be my own?

[ once again, lumine pauses from taking a bite of her makeshift salad, lowering her fork back to the plate. at this rate, she'll go about her day without eating again, something she's starting to get used to again. ]

No, but how do you know where his feelings for Lumine end and yours begin? I see the changes in you every day, changes that reflect him.

[ his eyes, his mannerisms, even the way he sometimes laughs or the way his expression shifts. she's seen childe through the eyes of her counterpart, and there are moments when she wonders if she's seeing him in the flesh. ]

Maybe Aether hasn't noticed it, but I have.

[ she doesn't hate it and there's a part of her that's already accepted its inevitability, but her feelings of discomfort has yet to go away. ]

I know what you mean. I've noticed them too, but what he said the other day really struck a chord with me.

[A lot of things made sense once Childe spoke to Lumine that day, and Ajax is sure that was a big part of the reason why she wouldn't speak to him for so long. But it's still a truth that has tied nearly everything together for him.]

If he and I are truly the same person, then it's not that his feelings end and mine begin somewhere. It's only that I've simply fallen in love with you all over again.

[That's a sappy thing to say, and he knows it. He knows how it sounds. But it's a simple explanation, and would explain why he'd felt drawn to her even before Childe joined him. Not that Ajax feels like he needs an explanation for it- he knows himself, and there's something about those words that ring true for him. Though whether she'll accept it is a different story.]

[ if there's anything that he's said so far that's rendered her speechless, it's this. really, who else could say this with a straight face other than him?

the absurdity of his words and the lack of shame is just appalling to her, so much so that she's impressed that he hasn't exploded yet from mortification. instead, he seems to have passed it onto her, heat rising up her cheeks. lumine shakes her head, once more looking back down on her plate in an attempt to stamp down her embarrassment. ]

And what did you fall for, exactly?

[ this is probably a grave that she shouldn't be digging, and yet here she is. because she doesn't understand this at all. ]

Was it me ignoring you more than half the time? Or was it all of my rejections of your intentions and plans? Or was it all of our arguments and disagreements? Make it make sense, Ajax.

Hahaha! What if all of those things were a part of it?

[He looks back at her with amusement, eyes practically twinkling at her embarrassment. For a moment, he thinks that she really doesn't understand him or how love works at all- it doesn't have to make sense, sometimes it makes no sense, but what he does know is that he sees a lot in her that he can't help but be attracted to.]

Besides. What about the other half when you weren't ignoring me? When you accepted the flower I gave you at Windblume and the wonderful night out we had then? Or perhaps when we went out to dinner and ended up back at your apartment, and I ended up staying the night with you? Even then, being with you that night felt...right. Just to name a few things.

So you might not be able to believe it, but I find all of who you are attractive. Even the things you seem to deem as negative. Surely, I thought by now I've proven to you that you mean the world to me. You make me happy, arguments, disagreements and all.

[He folds his arms over his chest and sits back a little in the chair expectantly. As if he's waiting to hear from her how she thinks his feelings are invalid, when he knows perfectly well that the aren't.]

[ she says nothing in response to all of that, simply staring at him with a flat expression on her face. her mortification has momentarily dissipated, but it's left traces of heat on her skin anyway, her cheeks still a flushed colour. but lumine refuses to acknowledge her own body's reactions, deciding that they're a betrayal and nothing else. ]

I'm somehow not surprised you thrive in masochism.

[ considering the ups and downs of all of their interactions so far. this relationship of theirs, whatever they'd call it, is too volatile, too unpredictable with a tendency to hurt the both of them.

lumine gets up from her chair and picks up her plate, her appetite gone. ]

Anyway, my sentiment still stands. I don't want to say your feelings are wrong, but you should probably rethink them. Simply because I care about you doesn't mean it goes any deeper than that.

Hahaha, well, I'm flattered that you feel comfortable enough with me to tell me that.

[Months ago, she never wanted to see his face again. So Ajax won't sneeze at her admission, though he wonders if she realizes that it's given him even more motivation to win her over. It would take time, and hopefully he doesn't die beforehand, but he's positive he'll be able to get her to come around.]

But- [he begins as he gets up from the table, following behind her to the sink and waits until the plate is set down to wrap his arms around her waist.]

-I think you should also consider more what I've said today. Because do you truly want me out of your life when the dust settles?

[But Ajax doesn't want to know what her snap answer would be and won't let her answer the question anyway, bringing a hand up as he says it to turn her head just so, abusing the height difference between the two of them to lean over to take her into a kiss. It's simple, almost innocent in nature as if Ajax were capable of such a sentiment- but he kisses her in a way to convey love, without the lust and want that often accompanies their kisses in the past. The same kind of togetherness that they'd shared in his bed the night before when he'd buried himself in her, just thankful to be alive and with her.

When he breaks, Ajax only smiles at her and moves back to the table to finish his food, sitting down with his back to her to avoid the glare he assumes is being levied at him.]

[ the question gets him a look from her, because how audacious is he to ask her that? but lumine doesn't even get to respond, whatever words she has in store for him dying on her tongue. she tries to squirm out of his grasp, feeling like she's being swept away so she wouldn't have a say in it.

when he finally pulls away, her cheeks are pink once more, breathless and annoyed. the smile he wears doesn't help either, and there's that temptation to try and hit him in the face for looking so self-satisfied. ]

You ...

[ lumine watches as he walks back to his chair, disbelief written all over her face. her hand moves on its own, grabbing a handful of cherry tomatoes and tossing it at the back of his head before she storms out of the kitchen. ]

Hey-! Hahaha!

[He feels all the little tomatoes hit him in the head, the vegetables falling to the floor almost silently. Ajax turns, quickly picks one up, takes aim and-

And throws it right at the back of her head. It plinks off of her, a direct hit right to the center of her head, dropping to the floor and rolling only a few inches away from her.

Ajax's arms lay across the back of the chair, his face amused, eyes bright as he tries to stifle a laugh.]

[ lumine stops in her tracks and for one long moment, she debates on simply letting this go. it's not worth it, ajax is the only one who'll enjoy any form of retaliation from her, she's exhausted after everything earlier that day. but she decides that she won't be able to sleep unless she responds in kind.

she walks back to the sink where her plate is, grabbing it and throwing its contents at ajax's head, dressing and all. ]

That's for throwing that tomato back at me.

[ if he thinks she's just going to walk away and let this go, he's mistaken. if anything, he's lucky that she didn't decide to throw a meteor at his head; then again, she does quite like this house, even if it doesn't belong to her. ]

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